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As Otto left for the home improvement store with measuring tape in hand, I cringed.<\/p>\n
I thought his idea for how to anchor the banister to the wall leading to the top floor of our home would look like people who didn\u2019t know what they were doing fixed it\u2026<\/p>\n
Which we were!<\/p>\n
The two of us would certainly fall into the category of not having \u201crepair\u201d skills of any kind when it comes to fixing anything that breaks.<\/p>\n
Even though we don\u2019t really have the skills, we can each be stubborn about our ideas about the way to fix whatever needs to be repaired or replaced.<\/p>\n
I usually think I\u2019m right\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n And Otto thinks he has a different and better idea.<\/strong><\/p>\n As you can guess, our \u201cfix-it\u201d projects haven\u2019t gone well in the time we\u2019ve been together.<\/p>\n I remember years ago our project to drain the water from a water bed we no longer wanted and the uproar that we got into, along with hurt feelings, trying to get something simple like that done.<\/p>\n But lately we\u2019ve landed in an easier, more loving and trusting way to move through these projects.<\/strong><\/p>\n What happened that was different this time?<\/strong><\/p>\n Since Otto was the one to take this project of re-anchoring the banister, I listened to how he wanted to fix it.<\/p>\n I really listened and tried to understand it without instantly making him wrong and stubbornly holding onto my way\u2026<\/p>\n Which I\u2019ve certainly done in the past!<\/p>\n I did explain that maybe there was another possibility and pointed out what I thought might be a problem if he did what he was thinking.<\/p>\n But I didn\u2019t make him wrong, trusting that he would find a solution and he did.<\/p>\n He made several trips to various home improvement stores and finally found an anchor that he thought would work.<\/p>\n And it did.<\/p>\n The point was that he was open and hadn\u2019t closed down emotionally to other possibilities.<\/p>\n Because he didn\u2019t feel the need to get defensive and prove he was \u201cright,\u201d he could see another way that was even better.<\/strong><\/p>\n Because I wasn\u2019t stubborn about hanging onto my ideas, I could stay open to him and other possibilities.<\/strong><\/p>\n So often when we think the other person is \u201cstubborn,\u201d we are just as rigid in our thinking.<\/strong><\/p>\n And when we call someone \u201cstubborn\u201d or even hold the thought that he or she is unreasonable\u2026<\/p>\n We\u2019re putting up walls and the other person becomes defensive, putting up walls as well.<\/p>\n So how do you communicate with someone you think is stubborn?<\/strong><\/p>\n First, look at yourself and if you\u2019re invested in being right.<\/p>\n (Chances are you are!)<\/p>\n Are you trying to change someone into who or what they don\u2019t want to be?<\/p>\n When we think someone is stubborn, it\u2019s usually because they aren\u2019t thinking and acting the way we think they should.<\/p>\n When you can step out of the emotion of the judgment, you can see that the strategies you\u2019ve been using to get your way haven\u2019t worked and have only perpetuated the \u201cdance\u201d the two of you have been doing.<\/p>\n As you truly see this dynamic for what it is, you might become aware of a space where you two can meet and agree.<\/p>\n Then listen, really listen without all the judgment.<\/p>\n This doesn\u2019t mean you agree but it does mean that you\u2019re giving respect that you want for yourself.<\/p>\n Stubbornness can fade away when judgment falls away and a space opens for understanding.<\/strong><\/p>\n In all of us, underneath all the noise of resistance and judgment is wisdom. If you just get quiet, you\u2019ll hear it.<\/p>\n <\/p><\/div>\nIf you\u2019re faced with someone you consider stubborn and have a question, contact us here\u2026<\/h3>\n