\n<\/p>\n
I thought I had this grief thing mastered. I\u2019ve helped people with their heartbreak for almost\u00a0a\u00a0decade. I\u2019ve rewired my patterns. I know the tools. I\u2019m even in\u00a0a\u00a0healthy relationship.<\/p>\n
I thought I was all good.<\/p>\n
But I\u2019ve been dealing with\u00a0a\u00a0different type of heartache.<\/p>\n
My father has been very ill. The deterioration is happening rapidly.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve never gone through this kind of grief. If you\u2019ve followed my work, you might know I\u2019ve had\u00a0a\u00a0tumultuous relationship with him.<\/p>\n
My story of my dad is that he\u2019s the root of my anxious attachment, the reason why I spent my entire life hunting for love in all the wrong places.<\/p>\n
But seeing him become so frail, and his livelihood dependent on me and my family, has neutralized that emotional charge I\u2019ve had towards him.<\/p>\n
When I\u2019m helping him walk, eat, or advocating for him in\u00a0a\u00a0messy medical system \u2013 there is no past. I\u2019m completely present. An instinct kicks in, and I am there just to help him live\u00a0a\u00a0little longer, as comfortable as possible.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s bittersweet, yet at the same time, beautiful.<\/p>\n
As much as my heart aches, I feel like my capacity for love has expanded. I feel everything \u2013 which means the lows are really hard, but I also find the most awe and joy in the smallest things. Like noticing the intricate details of\u00a0a\u00a0tree. Basking in awe watching the sun set. Feeling profound gratitude \u2013 for all of it.<\/p>\n
What I\u2019ve learned through all my training and tools of dealing with matters of the heart \u2013 grief is nothing to be afraid of, or ashamed of. It humbles you, it grounds you, it expands your emotional range.<\/p>\n
I can feel myself changing, growing and while I don\u2019t know where this journey is going to take me, I know it\u2019s significant.<\/p>\n
So what does this mean for me now? I will be hosting the next Breakup Bootcamp this November, and this will be the last one for\u00a0a\u00a0while. I\u2019m going to take some time to focus on writing and seeing what the next thing I want to put out into the world is.<\/p>\n
With love,<\/p>\n
Amy<\/p>\n