Are you his girlfriend\u2026 or the side chick? These real signs will reveal the truth and help you walk away with your dignity intact.<\/span><\/h2>\nYou know that pit-in-your-stomach feeling when things just don\u2019t add up? He\u2019s sweet but secretive. Affectionate, but only when it\u2019s convenient. And deep down, you\u2019re scared to ask the question out loud, am I the side chick?<\/p>\n
You\u2019re not alone. Studies show that people in ambiguous relationships experience higher stress, emotional instability, and even self-esteem issues. But the truth is, love doesn\u2019t feel this confusing.<\/p>\n
So if something feels off, trust that instinct. Let\u2019s get real about the signs you\u2019re not his main girl, and how to stop being a secret side chick.<\/p>\n
\ud83d\udcda Source: Knobloch, L.K., et al., 1999, Measuring the sources and content of relational uncertainty<\/p>\n
The subtle signs you\u2019re a side chick and not his main girl<\/span><\/h2>\nIf you\u2019ve found your way to this feature, chances are, you think you\u2019re someone\u2019s side chick. But let\u2019s not jump to assumptions just yet. Instead, let\u2019s look at the signs you\u2019re a side chick and put the puzzle pieces together. Are you his main girl or his side piece? [Read: 31 red flags in a man who\u2019s fake-nice & will only break your heart]<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019re not a priority<\/span><\/h3>\nWhenever you really need him, he\u2019s not there. If you were his partner, he wouldn\u2019t question anything. He would just do what he needs to help you. But you\u2019re not a priority for him.<\/p>\n
In fact, when you need help, he may not even be the first person that comes to your mind. That is a huge sign on its own. [Read: 17 sordid signs you\u2019re just a hookup and nothing more]<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ve never met his friends<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen a guy wants to show off someone he really likes, he first introduces them to his friends. When you meet his friends, it\u2019s a sign that he\u2019s really into you and isn\u2019t afraid to tell the world you\u2019re his.<\/p>\n
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Now, you could be a side chick and have met his friends. But typically, he likes to keep you and his personal life separate. That way, gossip doesn\u2019t spread around.<\/p>\n
3. He doesn\u2019t see you that much<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you were his girlfriend, he would spend his time seeing you as much as he can. However, as a side chick, he only sees you once, maybe twice a week.<\/p>\n
He sees you but dedicates most of his time to his actual partner. So, if he\u2019s not giving you his time, then you aren\u2019t his main girl. [Read: 25 signs he just wants sex and reasons why he\u2019s faking love to sleep with you]<\/p>\n
4. No photos of you exist<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019ve been dating him for a while, it\u2019s normal that there would be photos of you on social media. But when you try to take a photo of him, he freaks out and tells you to not post anything online.<\/p>\n
Come on, you know what this means. It\u2019s not because he thinks he looks bad in photos. It\u2019s because he doesn\u2019t want anyone to find out he\u2019s hooking up with you.<\/p>\n
5. You aren\u2019t friends on social media<\/span><\/h3>\nWe can award some benefit of the doubt to him if there aren\u2019t photos of you on his socials. Who knows, maybe he doesn\u2019t post. That\u2019s hardly a crime.<\/p>\n
But if you aren\u2019t even friends on social media\u2026 You know it isn\u2019t right. He doesn\u2019t want you to be there on his following list because he\u2019s hiding you from the people in his life.<\/p>\n
Why would he want to hide you? Because he doesn\u2019t want to be caught cheating. This sign of being a side chick is pretty hard to miss.<\/p>\n
6. You don\u2019t go on dates<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you\u2019re dating, you usually go on dates with your boyfriend. Maybe you see a movie, go to the mall, or visit an amusement park.<\/p>\n
Point is, he\u2019s taking you to spend some quality time with him in public. Netflix and popcorn in his bed doesn\u2019t count. If he doesn\u2019t take you out of the house, there\u2019s a reason why. [Read: Lowkey secret relationship \u2013 what it is and the reasons & signs you\u2019re in one]<\/p>\n
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7. He doesn\u2019t open up<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you know you\u2019re only going to be sleeping with someone for a short period of time, you don\u2019t really bother opening yourself up.<\/p>\n
Any time you try to get him to be emotional, he shuts you down. If he doesn\u2019t want to get attached to you, or he simply doesn\u2019t care to, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
8. He calls you\u2026 at night<\/span><\/h3>\nWe\u2019re not talking about calls around dinner time, we\u2019re talking about late-hour calls. If he only shows genuine interest late at night, you can count on it to be a booty call.<\/p>\n
Booty calls aren\u2019t as easy to spot as they used to be. Sometimes, a guy will be direct about his intentions. Other times, he may start a small talk conversation earlier in the day only to follow it up with a late-night \u201cWhat are you up to?\u201d or \u201cAre you doing anything right now?\u201d<\/p>\n
If he contacts you anytime after 10, he\u2019s just looking for some easy and quick sex. Does he ever call you during the day to hang out? Think about it.<\/p>\n
9. It\u2019s usually the same day, same time<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he sees you, it\u2019s usually always the same time and same day. It\u2019s like a routine. He has to keep it like this because he has his cheating down to an art.<\/p>\n
He has a specific excuse he tells his girlfriend for that time block when he\u2019s with you. That\u2019s why you never see him outside of that specific time and day. [Read: Is my boyfriend cheating? 86 sneaky behaviors & signs a guy just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
10. He\u2019ll go silent for days, even weeks<\/span><\/h3>\nHe has a tendency to suddenly disappear without telling you where he\u2019s going or what he\u2019s doing. And what\u2019s even better is that he will magically pop up out of nowhere like nothing ever happened. Maybe he had to go silent for a bit because his partner became suspicious.<\/p>\n
11. He doesn\u2019t spend the night<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, some guys may enjoy the comfort of their own beds, but if they really like someone, they\u2019ll sacrifice a night to sleep in your bed.<\/p>\n
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However, if he never spends a night in your bed, it\u2019s because he shares his bed with his girlfriend, and she\u2019ll get suspicious if he\u2019s not there. This is a sign that makes a difference between a girlfriend and a side chick.<\/p>\n
12. He\u2019s overprotective with his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nNo one would be so protective of their phone if they didn\u2019t have something important to hide. If he\u2019s deleting his entire call log every day and has his photos encrypted, then there\u2019s something to question.<\/p>\n
This goes for leaving the room to answer phone calls, too. He doesn\u2019t want any interference between you and his call because whoever he is on the line with might become suspicious. This is a big sign that you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
13. He doesn\u2019t pick up your calls<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s funny, just when you happen to call, he never has good reception or his battery is low. Convenient, right? There\u2019s a reason why he can\u2019t pick up your calls after work hours, and this points to one of those strong signs you\u2019re a side chick and nothing more.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he\u2019s with his family or girlfriend? Now, don\u2019t jump to conclusions in one go, but if he\u2019s not picking up your calls, plus doing a couple of other things on this list, watch out. [Read: 37 reasons, signs, and must-know rules when a guy stops texting you often]<\/p>\n
14. You don\u2019t know where he lives<\/span><\/h3>\nHe only knows where you live, isn\u2019t that strange? Unless he\u2019s embarrassed to tell you that he lives with his mom, there\u2019s another reason why you\u2019ve never stepped foot into his house. That\u2019s probably because he\u2019s not living there alone. Hint: it\u2019s not his mom.<\/p>\n
15. Plans are last minute<\/span><\/h3>\nIf he doesn\u2019t follow a routine when he schedules to see you, then all of your pans are likely last-minute. This is because you\u2019re the very last thing on his to-do list, so to speak.<\/p>\n
When a guy is committed to you, he invests time into seeing you and respects your availability. But if you\u2019re a side chick, you\u2019re low on his list. He isn\u2019t putting in the effort to make concrete plans with you because his efforts are somewhere else, with another woman.<\/p>\n
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16. He leads you on<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019re suspicious of being a side chick, a sign to look out for is if he is breadcrumbing you. [Read: Breadcrumbing \u2013 what it is, 28 signs to see it & respond and why people do it]<\/p>\n
Essentially, he is leading you on by ticking off all of the boxes to get you hooked on him without any intention of committing to you. He\u2019ll give you as much attention as you need to like him, and then withdraw it when you are invested.<\/p>\n
Like hot and cold behavior, breadcrumbing is an emotionally manipulative mind game for him. He strings you along just enough without having to follow through.<\/p>\n
17. PDA is nonexistent<\/span><\/h3>\nWe know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve found your way to this feature, chances are, you think you\u2019re someone\u2019s side chick. But let\u2019s not jump to assumptions just yet. Instead, let\u2019s look at the signs you\u2019re a side chick and put the puzzle pieces together. Are you his main girl or his side piece? [Read: 31 red flags in a man who\u2019s fake-nice & will only break your heart]<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019re not a priority<\/span><\/h3>\nWhenever you really need him, he\u2019s not there. If you were his partner, he wouldn\u2019t question anything. He would just do what he needs to help you. But you\u2019re not a priority for him.<\/p>\n
In fact, when you need help, he may not even be the first person that comes to your mind. That is a huge sign on its own. [Read: 17 sordid signs you\u2019re just a hookup and nothing more]<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ve never met his friends<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen a guy wants to show off someone he really likes, he first introduces them to his friends. When you meet his friends, it\u2019s a sign that he\u2019s really into you and isn\u2019t afraid to tell the world you\u2019re his.<\/p>\n
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Now, you could be a side chick and have met his friends. But typically, he likes to keep you and his personal life separate. That way, gossip doesn\u2019t spread around.<\/p>\n
3. He doesn\u2019t see you that much<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you were his girlfriend, he would spend his time seeing you as much as he can. However, as a side chick, he only sees you once, maybe twice a week.<\/p>\n
He sees you but dedicates most of his time to his actual partner. So, if he\u2019s not giving you his time, then you aren\u2019t his main girl. [Read: 25 signs he just wants sex and reasons why he\u2019s faking love to sleep with you]<\/p>\n
4. No photos of you exist<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019ve been dating him for a while, it\u2019s normal that there would be photos of you on social media. But when you try to take a photo of him, he freaks out and tells you to not post anything online.<\/p>\n
Come on, you know what this means. It\u2019s not because he thinks he looks bad in photos. It\u2019s because he doesn\u2019t want anyone to find out he\u2019s hooking up with you.<\/p>\n
5. You aren\u2019t friends on social media<\/span><\/h3>\nWe can award some benefit of the doubt to him if there aren\u2019t photos of you on his socials. Who knows, maybe he doesn\u2019t post. That\u2019s hardly a crime.<\/p>\n
But if you aren\u2019t even friends on social media\u2026 You know it isn\u2019t right. He doesn\u2019t want you to be there on his following list because he\u2019s hiding you from the people in his life.<\/p>\n
Why would he want to hide you? Because he doesn\u2019t want to be caught cheating. This sign of being a side chick is pretty hard to miss.<\/p>\n
6. You don\u2019t go on dates<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you\u2019re dating, you usually go on dates with your boyfriend. Maybe you see a movie, go to the mall, or visit an amusement park.<\/p>\n
Point is, he\u2019s taking you to spend some quality time with him in public. Netflix and popcorn in his bed doesn\u2019t count. If he doesn\u2019t take you out of the house, there\u2019s a reason why. [Read: Lowkey secret relationship \u2013 what it is and the reasons & signs you\u2019re in one]<\/p>\n
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7. He doesn\u2019t open up<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you know you\u2019re only going to be sleeping with someone for a short period of time, you don\u2019t really bother opening yourself up.<\/p>\n
Any time you try to get him to be emotional, he shuts you down. If he doesn\u2019t want to get attached to you, or he simply doesn\u2019t care to, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
8. He calls you\u2026 at night<\/span><\/h3>\nWe\u2019re not talking about calls around dinner time, we\u2019re talking about late-hour calls. If he only shows genuine interest late at night, you can count on it to be a booty call.<\/p>\n
Booty calls aren\u2019t as easy to spot as they used to be. Sometimes, a guy will be direct about his intentions. Other times, he may start a small talk conversation earlier in the day only to follow it up with a late-night \u201cWhat are you up to?\u201d or \u201cAre you doing anything right now?\u201d<\/p>\n
If he contacts you anytime after 10, he\u2019s just looking for some easy and quick sex. Does he ever call you during the day to hang out? Think about it.<\/p>\n
9. It\u2019s usually the same day, same time<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he sees you, it\u2019s usually always the same time and same day. It\u2019s like a routine. He has to keep it like this because he has his cheating down to an art.<\/p>\n
He has a specific excuse he tells his girlfriend for that time block when he\u2019s with you. That\u2019s why you never see him outside of that specific time and day. [Read: Is my boyfriend cheating? 86 sneaky behaviors & signs a guy just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
10. He\u2019ll go silent for days, even weeks<\/span><\/h3>\nHe has a tendency to suddenly disappear without telling you where he\u2019s going or what he\u2019s doing. And what\u2019s even better is that he will magically pop up out of nowhere like nothing ever happened. Maybe he had to go silent for a bit because his partner became suspicious.<\/p>\n
11. He doesn\u2019t spend the night<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, some guys may enjoy the comfort of their own beds, but if they really like someone, they\u2019ll sacrifice a night to sleep in your bed.<\/p>\n
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However, if he never spends a night in your bed, it\u2019s because he shares his bed with his girlfriend, and she\u2019ll get suspicious if he\u2019s not there. This is a sign that makes a difference between a girlfriend and a side chick.<\/p>\n
12. He\u2019s overprotective with his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nNo one would be so protective of their phone if they didn\u2019t have something important to hide. If he\u2019s deleting his entire call log every day and has his photos encrypted, then there\u2019s something to question.<\/p>\n
This goes for leaving the room to answer phone calls, too. He doesn\u2019t want any interference between you and his call because whoever he is on the line with might become suspicious. This is a big sign that you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
13. He doesn\u2019t pick up your calls<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s funny, just when you happen to call, he never has good reception or his battery is low. Convenient, right? There\u2019s a reason why he can\u2019t pick up your calls after work hours, and this points to one of those strong signs you\u2019re a side chick and nothing more.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he\u2019s with his family or girlfriend? Now, don\u2019t jump to conclusions in one go, but if he\u2019s not picking up your calls, plus doing a couple of other things on this list, watch out. [Read: 37 reasons, signs, and must-know rules when a guy stops texting you often]<\/p>\n
14. You don\u2019t know where he lives<\/span><\/h3>\nHe only knows where you live, isn\u2019t that strange? Unless he\u2019s embarrassed to tell you that he lives with his mom, there\u2019s another reason why you\u2019ve never stepped foot into his house. That\u2019s probably because he\u2019s not living there alone. Hint: it\u2019s not his mom.<\/p>\n
15. Plans are last minute<\/span><\/h3>\nIf he doesn\u2019t follow a routine when he schedules to see you, then all of your pans are likely last-minute. This is because you\u2019re the very last thing on his to-do list, so to speak.<\/p>\n
When a guy is committed to you, he invests time into seeing you and respects your availability. But if you\u2019re a side chick, you\u2019re low on his list. He isn\u2019t putting in the effort to make concrete plans with you because his efforts are somewhere else, with another woman.<\/p>\n
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16. He leads you on<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019re suspicious of being a side chick, a sign to look out for is if he is breadcrumbing you. [Read: Breadcrumbing \u2013 what it is, 28 signs to see it & respond and why people do it]<\/p>\n
Essentially, he is leading you on by ticking off all of the boxes to get you hooked on him without any intention of committing to you. He\u2019ll give you as much attention as you need to like him, and then withdraw it when you are invested.<\/p>\n
Like hot and cold behavior, breadcrumbing is an emotionally manipulative mind game for him. He strings you along just enough without having to follow through.<\/p>\n
17. PDA is nonexistent<\/span><\/h3>\nWe know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
When a guy wants to show off someone he really likes, he first introduces them to his friends. When you meet his friends, it\u2019s a sign that he\u2019s really into you and isn\u2019t afraid to tell the world you\u2019re his.<\/p>\n
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Now, you could be a side chick and have met his friends. But typically, he likes to keep you and his personal life separate. That way, gossip doesn\u2019t spread around.<\/p>\n
3. He doesn\u2019t see you that much<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you were his girlfriend, he would spend his time seeing you as much as he can. However, as a side chick, he only sees you once, maybe twice a week.<\/p>\n
He sees you but dedicates most of his time to his actual partner. So, if he\u2019s not giving you his time, then you aren\u2019t his main girl. [Read: 25 signs he just wants sex and reasons why he\u2019s faking love to sleep with you]<\/p>\n
4. No photos of you exist<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019ve been dating him for a while, it\u2019s normal that there would be photos of you on social media. But when you try to take a photo of him, he freaks out and tells you to not post anything online.<\/p>\n
Come on, you know what this means. It\u2019s not because he thinks he looks bad in photos. It\u2019s because he doesn\u2019t want anyone to find out he\u2019s hooking up with you.<\/p>\n
5. You aren\u2019t friends on social media<\/span><\/h3>\nWe can award some benefit of the doubt to him if there aren\u2019t photos of you on his socials. Who knows, maybe he doesn\u2019t post. That\u2019s hardly a crime.<\/p>\n
But if you aren\u2019t even friends on social media\u2026 You know it isn\u2019t right. He doesn\u2019t want you to be there on his following list because he\u2019s hiding you from the people in his life.<\/p>\n
Why would he want to hide you? Because he doesn\u2019t want to be caught cheating. This sign of being a side chick is pretty hard to miss.<\/p>\n
6. You don\u2019t go on dates<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you\u2019re dating, you usually go on dates with your boyfriend. Maybe you see a movie, go to the mall, or visit an amusement park.<\/p>\n
Point is, he\u2019s taking you to spend some quality time with him in public. Netflix and popcorn in his bed doesn\u2019t count. If he doesn\u2019t take you out of the house, there\u2019s a reason why. [Read: Lowkey secret relationship \u2013 what it is and the reasons & signs you\u2019re in one]<\/p>\n
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7. He doesn\u2019t open up<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you know you\u2019re only going to be sleeping with someone for a short period of time, you don\u2019t really bother opening yourself up.<\/p>\n
Any time you try to get him to be emotional, he shuts you down. If he doesn\u2019t want to get attached to you, or he simply doesn\u2019t care to, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
8. He calls you\u2026 at night<\/span><\/h3>\nWe\u2019re not talking about calls around dinner time, we\u2019re talking about late-hour calls. If he only shows genuine interest late at night, you can count on it to be a booty call.<\/p>\n
Booty calls aren\u2019t as easy to spot as they used to be. Sometimes, a guy will be direct about his intentions. Other times, he may start a small talk conversation earlier in the day only to follow it up with a late-night \u201cWhat are you up to?\u201d or \u201cAre you doing anything right now?\u201d<\/p>\n
If he contacts you anytime after 10, he\u2019s just looking for some easy and quick sex. Does he ever call you during the day to hang out? Think about it.<\/p>\n
9. It\u2019s usually the same day, same time<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he sees you, it\u2019s usually always the same time and same day. It\u2019s like a routine. He has to keep it like this because he has his cheating down to an art.<\/p>\n
He has a specific excuse he tells his girlfriend for that time block when he\u2019s with you. That\u2019s why you never see him outside of that specific time and day. [Read: Is my boyfriend cheating? 86 sneaky behaviors & signs a guy just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
10. He\u2019ll go silent for days, even weeks<\/span><\/h3>\nHe has a tendency to suddenly disappear without telling you where he\u2019s going or what he\u2019s doing. And what\u2019s even better is that he will magically pop up out of nowhere like nothing ever happened. Maybe he had to go silent for a bit because his partner became suspicious.<\/p>\n
11. He doesn\u2019t spend the night<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, some guys may enjoy the comfort of their own beds, but if they really like someone, they\u2019ll sacrifice a night to sleep in your bed.<\/p>\n
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However, if he never spends a night in your bed, it\u2019s because he shares his bed with his girlfriend, and she\u2019ll get suspicious if he\u2019s not there. This is a sign that makes a difference between a girlfriend and a side chick.<\/p>\n
12. He\u2019s overprotective with his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nNo one would be so protective of their phone if they didn\u2019t have something important to hide. If he\u2019s deleting his entire call log every day and has his photos encrypted, then there\u2019s something to question.<\/p>\n
This goes for leaving the room to answer phone calls, too. He doesn\u2019t want any interference between you and his call because whoever he is on the line with might become suspicious. This is a big sign that you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
13. He doesn\u2019t pick up your calls<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s funny, just when you happen to call, he never has good reception or his battery is low. Convenient, right? There\u2019s a reason why he can\u2019t pick up your calls after work hours, and this points to one of those strong signs you\u2019re a side chick and nothing more.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he\u2019s with his family or girlfriend? Now, don\u2019t jump to conclusions in one go, but if he\u2019s not picking up your calls, plus doing a couple of other things on this list, watch out. [Read: 37 reasons, signs, and must-know rules when a guy stops texting you often]<\/p>\n
14. You don\u2019t know where he lives<\/span><\/h3>\nHe only knows where you live, isn\u2019t that strange? Unless he\u2019s embarrassed to tell you that he lives with his mom, there\u2019s another reason why you\u2019ve never stepped foot into his house. That\u2019s probably because he\u2019s not living there alone. Hint: it\u2019s not his mom.<\/p>\n
15. Plans are last minute<\/span><\/h3>\nIf he doesn\u2019t follow a routine when he schedules to see you, then all of your pans are likely last-minute. This is because you\u2019re the very last thing on his to-do list, so to speak.<\/p>\n
When a guy is committed to you, he invests time into seeing you and respects your availability. But if you\u2019re a side chick, you\u2019re low on his list. He isn\u2019t putting in the effort to make concrete plans with you because his efforts are somewhere else, with another woman.<\/p>\n
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16. He leads you on<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019re suspicious of being a side chick, a sign to look out for is if he is breadcrumbing you. [Read: Breadcrumbing \u2013 what it is, 28 signs to see it & respond and why people do it]<\/p>\n
Essentially, he is leading you on by ticking off all of the boxes to get you hooked on him without any intention of committing to you. He\u2019ll give you as much attention as you need to like him, and then withdraw it when you are invested.<\/p>\n
Like hot and cold behavior, breadcrumbing is an emotionally manipulative mind game for him. He strings you along just enough without having to follow through.<\/p>\n
17. PDA is nonexistent<\/span><\/h3>\nWe know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve been dating him for a while, it\u2019s normal that there would be photos of you on social media. But when you try to take a photo of him, he freaks out and tells you to not post anything online.<\/p>\n
Come on, you know what this means. It\u2019s not because he thinks he looks bad in photos. It\u2019s because he doesn\u2019t want anyone to find out he\u2019s hooking up with you.<\/p>\n
5. You aren\u2019t friends on social media<\/span><\/h3>\nWe can award some benefit of the doubt to him if there aren\u2019t photos of you on his socials. Who knows, maybe he doesn\u2019t post. That\u2019s hardly a crime.<\/p>\n
But if you aren\u2019t even friends on social media\u2026 You know it isn\u2019t right. He doesn\u2019t want you to be there on his following list because he\u2019s hiding you from the people in his life.<\/p>\n
Why would he want to hide you? Because he doesn\u2019t want to be caught cheating. This sign of being a side chick is pretty hard to miss.<\/p>\n
6. You don\u2019t go on dates<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you\u2019re dating, you usually go on dates with your boyfriend. Maybe you see a movie, go to the mall, or visit an amusement park.<\/p>\n
Point is, he\u2019s taking you to spend some quality time with him in public. Netflix and popcorn in his bed doesn\u2019t count. If he doesn\u2019t take you out of the house, there\u2019s a reason why. [Read: Lowkey secret relationship \u2013 what it is and the reasons & signs you\u2019re in one]<\/p>\n
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7. He doesn\u2019t open up<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you know you\u2019re only going to be sleeping with someone for a short period of time, you don\u2019t really bother opening yourself up.<\/p>\n
Any time you try to get him to be emotional, he shuts you down. If he doesn\u2019t want to get attached to you, or he simply doesn\u2019t care to, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
8. He calls you\u2026 at night<\/span><\/h3>\nWe\u2019re not talking about calls around dinner time, we\u2019re talking about late-hour calls. If he only shows genuine interest late at night, you can count on it to be a booty call.<\/p>\n
Booty calls aren\u2019t as easy to spot as they used to be. Sometimes, a guy will be direct about his intentions. Other times, he may start a small talk conversation earlier in the day only to follow it up with a late-night \u201cWhat are you up to?\u201d or \u201cAre you doing anything right now?\u201d<\/p>\n
If he contacts you anytime after 10, he\u2019s just looking for some easy and quick sex. Does he ever call you during the day to hang out? Think about it.<\/p>\n
9. It\u2019s usually the same day, same time<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he sees you, it\u2019s usually always the same time and same day. It\u2019s like a routine. He has to keep it like this because he has his cheating down to an art.<\/p>\n
He has a specific excuse he tells his girlfriend for that time block when he\u2019s with you. That\u2019s why you never see him outside of that specific time and day. [Read: Is my boyfriend cheating? 86 sneaky behaviors & signs a guy just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
10. He\u2019ll go silent for days, even weeks<\/span><\/h3>\nHe has a tendency to suddenly disappear without telling you where he\u2019s going or what he\u2019s doing. And what\u2019s even better is that he will magically pop up out of nowhere like nothing ever happened. Maybe he had to go silent for a bit because his partner became suspicious.<\/p>\n
11. He doesn\u2019t spend the night<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, some guys may enjoy the comfort of their own beds, but if they really like someone, they\u2019ll sacrifice a night to sleep in your bed.<\/p>\n
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However, if he never spends a night in your bed, it\u2019s because he shares his bed with his girlfriend, and she\u2019ll get suspicious if he\u2019s not there. This is a sign that makes a difference between a girlfriend and a side chick.<\/p>\n
12. He\u2019s overprotective with his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nNo one would be so protective of their phone if they didn\u2019t have something important to hide. If he\u2019s deleting his entire call log every day and has his photos encrypted, then there\u2019s something to question.<\/p>\n
This goes for leaving the room to answer phone calls, too. He doesn\u2019t want any interference between you and his call because whoever he is on the line with might become suspicious. This is a big sign that you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
13. He doesn\u2019t pick up your calls<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s funny, just when you happen to call, he never has good reception or his battery is low. Convenient, right? There\u2019s a reason why he can\u2019t pick up your calls after work hours, and this points to one of those strong signs you\u2019re a side chick and nothing more.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he\u2019s with his family or girlfriend? Now, don\u2019t jump to conclusions in one go, but if he\u2019s not picking up your calls, plus doing a couple of other things on this list, watch out. [Read: 37 reasons, signs, and must-know rules when a guy stops texting you often]<\/p>\n
14. You don\u2019t know where he lives<\/span><\/h3>\nHe only knows where you live, isn\u2019t that strange? Unless he\u2019s embarrassed to tell you that he lives with his mom, there\u2019s another reason why you\u2019ve never stepped foot into his house. That\u2019s probably because he\u2019s not living there alone. Hint: it\u2019s not his mom.<\/p>\n
15. Plans are last minute<\/span><\/h3>\nIf he doesn\u2019t follow a routine when he schedules to see you, then all of your pans are likely last-minute. This is because you\u2019re the very last thing on his to-do list, so to speak.<\/p>\n
When a guy is committed to you, he invests time into seeing you and respects your availability. But if you\u2019re a side chick, you\u2019re low on his list. He isn\u2019t putting in the effort to make concrete plans with you because his efforts are somewhere else, with another woman.<\/p>\n
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16. He leads you on<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019re suspicious of being a side chick, a sign to look out for is if he is breadcrumbing you. [Read: Breadcrumbing \u2013 what it is, 28 signs to see it & respond and why people do it]<\/p>\n
Essentially, he is leading you on by ticking off all of the boxes to get you hooked on him without any intention of committing to you. He\u2019ll give you as much attention as you need to like him, and then withdraw it when you are invested.<\/p>\n
Like hot and cold behavior, breadcrumbing is an emotionally manipulative mind game for him. He strings you along just enough without having to follow through.<\/p>\n
17. PDA is nonexistent<\/span><\/h3>\nWe know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
When you\u2019re dating, you usually go on dates with your boyfriend. Maybe you see a movie, go to the mall, or visit an amusement park.<\/p>\n
Point is, he\u2019s taking you to spend some quality time with him in public. Netflix and popcorn in his bed doesn\u2019t count. If he doesn\u2019t take you out of the house, there\u2019s a reason why. [Read: Lowkey secret relationship \u2013 what it is and the reasons & signs you\u2019re in one]<\/p>\n
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7. He doesn\u2019t open up<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen you know you\u2019re only going to be sleeping with someone for a short period of time, you don\u2019t really bother opening yourself up.<\/p>\n
Any time you try to get him to be emotional, he shuts you down. If he doesn\u2019t want to get attached to you, or he simply doesn\u2019t care to, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
8. He calls you\u2026 at night<\/span><\/h3>\nWe\u2019re not talking about calls around dinner time, we\u2019re talking about late-hour calls. If he only shows genuine interest late at night, you can count on it to be a booty call.<\/p>\n
Booty calls aren\u2019t as easy to spot as they used to be. Sometimes, a guy will be direct about his intentions. Other times, he may start a small talk conversation earlier in the day only to follow it up with a late-night \u201cWhat are you up to?\u201d or \u201cAre you doing anything right now?\u201d<\/p>\n
If he contacts you anytime after 10, he\u2019s just looking for some easy and quick sex. Does he ever call you during the day to hang out? Think about it.<\/p>\n
9. It\u2019s usually the same day, same time<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he sees you, it\u2019s usually always the same time and same day. It\u2019s like a routine. He has to keep it like this because he has his cheating down to an art.<\/p>\n
He has a specific excuse he tells his girlfriend for that time block when he\u2019s with you. That\u2019s why you never see him outside of that specific time and day. [Read: Is my boyfriend cheating? 86 sneaky behaviors & signs a guy just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
10. He\u2019ll go silent for days, even weeks<\/span><\/h3>\nHe has a tendency to suddenly disappear without telling you where he\u2019s going or what he\u2019s doing. And what\u2019s even better is that he will magically pop up out of nowhere like nothing ever happened. Maybe he had to go silent for a bit because his partner became suspicious.<\/p>\n
11. He doesn\u2019t spend the night<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, some guys may enjoy the comfort of their own beds, but if they really like someone, they\u2019ll sacrifice a night to sleep in your bed.<\/p>\n
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However, if he never spends a night in your bed, it\u2019s because he shares his bed with his girlfriend, and she\u2019ll get suspicious if he\u2019s not there. This is a sign that makes a difference between a girlfriend and a side chick.<\/p>\n
12. He\u2019s overprotective with his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nNo one would be so protective of their phone if they didn\u2019t have something important to hide. If he\u2019s deleting his entire call log every day and has his photos encrypted, then there\u2019s something to question.<\/p>\n
This goes for leaving the room to answer phone calls, too. He doesn\u2019t want any interference between you and his call because whoever he is on the line with might become suspicious. This is a big sign that you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
13. He doesn\u2019t pick up your calls<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s funny, just when you happen to call, he never has good reception or his battery is low. Convenient, right? There\u2019s a reason why he can\u2019t pick up your calls after work hours, and this points to one of those strong signs you\u2019re a side chick and nothing more.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he\u2019s with his family or girlfriend? Now, don\u2019t jump to conclusions in one go, but if he\u2019s not picking up your calls, plus doing a couple of other things on this list, watch out. [Read: 37 reasons, signs, and must-know rules when a guy stops texting you often]<\/p>\n
14. You don\u2019t know where he lives<\/span><\/h3>\nHe only knows where you live, isn\u2019t that strange? Unless he\u2019s embarrassed to tell you that he lives with his mom, there\u2019s another reason why you\u2019ve never stepped foot into his house. That\u2019s probably because he\u2019s not living there alone. Hint: it\u2019s not his mom.<\/p>\n
15. Plans are last minute<\/span><\/h3>\nIf he doesn\u2019t follow a routine when he schedules to see you, then all of your pans are likely last-minute. This is because you\u2019re the very last thing on his to-do list, so to speak.<\/p>\n
When a guy is committed to you, he invests time into seeing you and respects your availability. But if you\u2019re a side chick, you\u2019re low on his list. He isn\u2019t putting in the effort to make concrete plans with you because his efforts are somewhere else, with another woman.<\/p>\n
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16. He leads you on<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019re suspicious of being a side chick, a sign to look out for is if he is breadcrumbing you. [Read: Breadcrumbing \u2013 what it is, 28 signs to see it & respond and why people do it]<\/p>\n
Essentially, he is leading you on by ticking off all of the boxes to get you hooked on him without any intention of committing to you. He\u2019ll give you as much attention as you need to like him, and then withdraw it when you are invested.<\/p>\n
Like hot and cold behavior, breadcrumbing is an emotionally manipulative mind game for him. He strings you along just enough without having to follow through.<\/p>\n
17. PDA is nonexistent<\/span><\/h3>\nWe know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
We\u2019re not talking about calls around dinner time, we\u2019re talking about late-hour calls. If he only shows genuine interest late at night, you can count on it to be a booty call.<\/p>\n
Booty calls aren\u2019t as easy to spot as they used to be. Sometimes, a guy will be direct about his intentions. Other times, he may start a small talk conversation earlier in the day only to follow it up with a late-night \u201cWhat are you up to?\u201d or \u201cAre you doing anything right now?\u201d<\/p>\n
If he contacts you anytime after 10, he\u2019s just looking for some easy and quick sex. Does he ever call you during the day to hang out? Think about it.<\/p>\n
9. It\u2019s usually the same day, same time<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he sees you, it\u2019s usually always the same time and same day. It\u2019s like a routine. He has to keep it like this because he has his cheating down to an art.<\/p>\n
He has a specific excuse he tells his girlfriend for that time block when he\u2019s with you. That\u2019s why you never see him outside of that specific time and day. [Read: Is my boyfriend cheating? 86 sneaky behaviors & signs a guy just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
10. He\u2019ll go silent for days, even weeks<\/span><\/h3>\nHe has a tendency to suddenly disappear without telling you where he\u2019s going or what he\u2019s doing. And what\u2019s even better is that he will magically pop up out of nowhere like nothing ever happened. Maybe he had to go silent for a bit because his partner became suspicious.<\/p>\n
11. He doesn\u2019t spend the night<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, some guys may enjoy the comfort of their own beds, but if they really like someone, they\u2019ll sacrifice a night to sleep in your bed.<\/p>\n
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However, if he never spends a night in your bed, it\u2019s because he shares his bed with his girlfriend, and she\u2019ll get suspicious if he\u2019s not there. This is a sign that makes a difference between a girlfriend and a side chick.<\/p>\n
12. He\u2019s overprotective with his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nNo one would be so protective of their phone if they didn\u2019t have something important to hide. If he\u2019s deleting his entire call log every day and has his photos encrypted, then there\u2019s something to question.<\/p>\n
This goes for leaving the room to answer phone calls, too. He doesn\u2019t want any interference between you and his call because whoever he is on the line with might become suspicious. This is a big sign that you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
13. He doesn\u2019t pick up your calls<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s funny, just when you happen to call, he never has good reception or his battery is low. Convenient, right? There\u2019s a reason why he can\u2019t pick up your calls after work hours, and this points to one of those strong signs you\u2019re a side chick and nothing more.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he\u2019s with his family or girlfriend? Now, don\u2019t jump to conclusions in one go, but if he\u2019s not picking up your calls, plus doing a couple of other things on this list, watch out. [Read: 37 reasons, signs, and must-know rules when a guy stops texting you often]<\/p>\n
14. You don\u2019t know where he lives<\/span><\/h3>\nHe only knows where you live, isn\u2019t that strange? Unless he\u2019s embarrassed to tell you that he lives with his mom, there\u2019s another reason why you\u2019ve never stepped foot into his house. That\u2019s probably because he\u2019s not living there alone. Hint: it\u2019s not his mom.<\/p>\n
15. Plans are last minute<\/span><\/h3>\nIf he doesn\u2019t follow a routine when he schedules to see you, then all of your pans are likely last-minute. This is because you\u2019re the very last thing on his to-do list, so to speak.<\/p>\n
When a guy is committed to you, he invests time into seeing you and respects your availability. But if you\u2019re a side chick, you\u2019re low on his list. He isn\u2019t putting in the effort to make concrete plans with you because his efforts are somewhere else, with another woman.<\/p>\n
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16. He leads you on<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019re suspicious of being a side chick, a sign to look out for is if he is breadcrumbing you. [Read: Breadcrumbing \u2013 what it is, 28 signs to see it & respond and why people do it]<\/p>\n
Essentially, he is leading you on by ticking off all of the boxes to get you hooked on him without any intention of committing to you. He\u2019ll give you as much attention as you need to like him, and then withdraw it when you are invested.<\/p>\n
Like hot and cold behavior, breadcrumbing is an emotionally manipulative mind game for him. He strings you along just enough without having to follow through.<\/p>\n
17. PDA is nonexistent<\/span><\/h3>\nWe know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
He has a tendency to suddenly disappear without telling you where he\u2019s going or what he\u2019s doing. And what\u2019s even better is that he will magically pop up out of nowhere like nothing ever happened. Maybe he had to go silent for a bit because his partner became suspicious.<\/p>\n
11. He doesn\u2019t spend the night<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, some guys may enjoy the comfort of their own beds, but if they really like someone, they\u2019ll sacrifice a night to sleep in your bed.<\/p>\n
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However, if he never spends a night in your bed, it\u2019s because he shares his bed with his girlfriend, and she\u2019ll get suspicious if he\u2019s not there. This is a sign that makes a difference between a girlfriend and a side chick.<\/p>\n
12. He\u2019s overprotective with his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nNo one would be so protective of their phone if they didn\u2019t have something important to hide. If he\u2019s deleting his entire call log every day and has his photos encrypted, then there\u2019s something to question.<\/p>\n
This goes for leaving the room to answer phone calls, too. He doesn\u2019t want any interference between you and his call because whoever he is on the line with might become suspicious. This is a big sign that you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
13. He doesn\u2019t pick up your calls<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s funny, just when you happen to call, he never has good reception or his battery is low. Convenient, right? There\u2019s a reason why he can\u2019t pick up your calls after work hours, and this points to one of those strong signs you\u2019re a side chick and nothing more.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he\u2019s with his family or girlfriend? Now, don\u2019t jump to conclusions in one go, but if he\u2019s not picking up your calls, plus doing a couple of other things on this list, watch out. [Read: 37 reasons, signs, and must-know rules when a guy stops texting you often]<\/p>\n
14. You don\u2019t know where he lives<\/span><\/h3>\nHe only knows where you live, isn\u2019t that strange? Unless he\u2019s embarrassed to tell you that he lives with his mom, there\u2019s another reason why you\u2019ve never stepped foot into his house. That\u2019s probably because he\u2019s not living there alone. Hint: it\u2019s not his mom.<\/p>\n
15. Plans are last minute<\/span><\/h3>\nIf he doesn\u2019t follow a routine when he schedules to see you, then all of your pans are likely last-minute. This is because you\u2019re the very last thing on his to-do list, so to speak.<\/p>\n
When a guy is committed to you, he invests time into seeing you and respects your availability. But if you\u2019re a side chick, you\u2019re low on his list. He isn\u2019t putting in the effort to make concrete plans with you because his efforts are somewhere else, with another woman.<\/p>\n
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16. He leads you on<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019re suspicious of being a side chick, a sign to look out for is if he is breadcrumbing you. [Read: Breadcrumbing \u2013 what it is, 28 signs to see it & respond and why people do it]<\/p>\n
Essentially, he is leading you on by ticking off all of the boxes to get you hooked on him without any intention of committing to you. He\u2019ll give you as much attention as you need to like him, and then withdraw it when you are invested.<\/p>\n
Like hot and cold behavior, breadcrumbing is an emotionally manipulative mind game for him. He strings you along just enough without having to follow through.<\/p>\n
17. PDA is nonexistent<\/span><\/h3>\nWe know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
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However, if he never spends a night in your bed, it\u2019s because he shares his bed with his girlfriend, and she\u2019ll get suspicious if he\u2019s not there. This is a sign that makes a difference between a girlfriend and a side chick.<\/p>\n
12. He\u2019s overprotective with his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nNo one would be so protective of their phone if they didn\u2019t have something important to hide. If he\u2019s deleting his entire call log every day and has his photos encrypted, then there\u2019s something to question.<\/p>\n
This goes for leaving the room to answer phone calls, too. He doesn\u2019t want any interference between you and his call because whoever he is on the line with might become suspicious. This is a big sign that you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
13. He doesn\u2019t pick up your calls<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s funny, just when you happen to call, he never has good reception or his battery is low. Convenient, right? There\u2019s a reason why he can\u2019t pick up your calls after work hours, and this points to one of those strong signs you\u2019re a side chick and nothing more.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he\u2019s with his family or girlfriend? Now, don\u2019t jump to conclusions in one go, but if he\u2019s not picking up your calls, plus doing a couple of other things on this list, watch out. [Read: 37 reasons, signs, and must-know rules when a guy stops texting you often]<\/p>\n
14. You don\u2019t know where he lives<\/span><\/h3>\nHe only knows where you live, isn\u2019t that strange? Unless he\u2019s embarrassed to tell you that he lives with his mom, there\u2019s another reason why you\u2019ve never stepped foot into his house. That\u2019s probably because he\u2019s not living there alone. Hint: it\u2019s not his mom.<\/p>\n
15. Plans are last minute<\/span><\/h3>\nIf he doesn\u2019t follow a routine when he schedules to see you, then all of your pans are likely last-minute. This is because you\u2019re the very last thing on his to-do list, so to speak.<\/p>\n
When a guy is committed to you, he invests time into seeing you and respects your availability. But if you\u2019re a side chick, you\u2019re low on his list. He isn\u2019t putting in the effort to make concrete plans with you because his efforts are somewhere else, with another woman.<\/p>\n
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16. He leads you on<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019re suspicious of being a side chick, a sign to look out for is if he is breadcrumbing you. [Read: Breadcrumbing \u2013 what it is, 28 signs to see it & respond and why people do it]<\/p>\n
Essentially, he is leading you on by ticking off all of the boxes to get you hooked on him without any intention of committing to you. He\u2019ll give you as much attention as you need to like him, and then withdraw it when you are invested.<\/p>\n
Like hot and cold behavior, breadcrumbing is an emotionally manipulative mind game for him. He strings you along just enough without having to follow through.<\/p>\n
17. PDA is nonexistent<\/span><\/h3>\nWe know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
It\u2019s funny, just when you happen to call, he never has good reception or his battery is low. Convenient, right? There\u2019s a reason why he can\u2019t pick up your calls after work hours, and this points to one of those strong signs you\u2019re a side chick and nothing more.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he\u2019s with his family or girlfriend? Now, don\u2019t jump to conclusions in one go, but if he\u2019s not picking up your calls, plus doing a couple of other things on this list, watch out. [Read: 37 reasons, signs, and must-know rules when a guy stops texting you often]<\/p>\n
14. You don\u2019t know where he lives<\/span><\/h3>\nHe only knows where you live, isn\u2019t that strange? Unless he\u2019s embarrassed to tell you that he lives with his mom, there\u2019s another reason why you\u2019ve never stepped foot into his house. That\u2019s probably because he\u2019s not living there alone. Hint: it\u2019s not his mom.<\/p>\n
15. Plans are last minute<\/span><\/h3>\nIf he doesn\u2019t follow a routine when he schedules to see you, then all of your pans are likely last-minute. This is because you\u2019re the very last thing on his to-do list, so to speak.<\/p>\n
When a guy is committed to you, he invests time into seeing you and respects your availability. But if you\u2019re a side chick, you\u2019re low on his list. He isn\u2019t putting in the effort to make concrete plans with you because his efforts are somewhere else, with another woman.<\/p>\n
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16. He leads you on<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019re suspicious of being a side chick, a sign to look out for is if he is breadcrumbing you. [Read: Breadcrumbing \u2013 what it is, 28 signs to see it & respond and why people do it]<\/p>\n
Essentially, he is leading you on by ticking off all of the boxes to get you hooked on him without any intention of committing to you. He\u2019ll give you as much attention as you need to like him, and then withdraw it when you are invested.<\/p>\n
Like hot and cold behavior, breadcrumbing is an emotionally manipulative mind game for him. He strings you along just enough without having to follow through.<\/p>\n
17. PDA is nonexistent<\/span><\/h3>\nWe know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
If he doesn\u2019t follow a routine when he schedules to see you, then all of your pans are likely last-minute. This is because you\u2019re the very last thing on his to-do list, so to speak.<\/p>\n
When a guy is committed to you, he invests time into seeing you and respects your availability. But if you\u2019re a side chick, you\u2019re low on his list. He isn\u2019t putting in the effort to make concrete plans with you because his efforts are somewhere else, with another woman.<\/p>\n
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16. He leads you on<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you\u2019re suspicious of being a side chick, a sign to look out for is if he is breadcrumbing you. [Read: Breadcrumbing \u2013 what it is, 28 signs to see it & respond and why people do it]<\/p>\n
Essentially, he is leading you on by ticking off all of the boxes to get you hooked on him without any intention of committing to you. He\u2019ll give you as much attention as you need to like him, and then withdraw it when you are invested.<\/p>\n
Like hot and cold behavior, breadcrumbing is an emotionally manipulative mind game for him. He strings you along just enough without having to follow through.<\/p>\n
17. PDA is nonexistent<\/span><\/h3>\nWe know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
We know, not everyone is into public displays of affection. But if he won\u2019t even walk close to you, it\u2019s a sign he doesn\u2019t want to be seen being romantic with you in public. Why? Because you\u2019re the side chick.<\/p>\n
Any guy who is seriously committed to your relationship should be showing affection in public. Handholding, hugs, kisses, these are all normal things that couples do.<\/p>\n
If he isn\u2019t doing these, it\u2019s likely he wants to be perceived as nothing more than friends when in public.<\/p>\n
18. He acts weird if he bumps into you in public<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you bump into him in public, his behavior is usually cold, distant, embarrassed, or annoyed. He might even go out of his way to avoid you. This is not how any guy would react to bumping into someone he\u2019s interested in and committed to.<\/p>\n
19. You don\u2019t know his family<\/span><\/h3>\nOkay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Okay, so maybe it\u2019s too early in your relationship to meet the parents. But if he hasn\u2019t even mentioned them, or avoids the topic when you ask about the people in his life, it\u2019s because he wants to keep his relationship with you out of their reach. He wants you to be a secret.<\/p>\n
Meeting the parents is a milestone in any committed relationship, and it\u2019s generally not something that goes unspoken. So if he keeps his family life private from you, or even gets annoyed about the subject, it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re a side chick.<\/p>\n
\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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20. Things don\u2019t progress<\/span><\/h3>\nSome relationships move fast and others take their time. However, at the end of the day, all genuine relationships progress. [Read: Stagnant relationship \u2013 36 standstill signs, why & how to make it progress]<\/p>\n
You should be sharing your goals, dreams, interests, and personal life with each other. Over time, you should also be seeing each other more and strengthening your connection.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t feel like he is contributing to improving your bond as much as you are, he\u2019s building a wall between you two. Relationships stay healthy and alive through emotional needs, and if you\u2019re a side chick, yours aren\u2019t being met.<\/p>\n
21. You don\u2019t know where you stand<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
When we feel like we don\u2019t know where we stand in a relationship, it\u2019s often because the relationship offers no security. Are you doubting your feelings? Do you contemplate whether you put more effort into the relationship than your partner?<\/p>\n
Regardless of how new the relationship is, if your partner is fully committed to you, they will put in their half. And when they do, you won\u2019t have to question if they\u2019re really invested in you or not. But for a side chick, this reassurance never comes.<\/p>\n
22. He doesn\u2019t get jealous<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, we aren\u2019t promoting an overly-jealous partner. But if the guy you\u2019re with doesn\u2019t show the slightest sign of jealousy when you mention other guys, it\u2019s likely that he doesn\u2019t care for boundaries or take your relationship seriously. Like, at all. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous \u2013 25 hints he just can\u2019t hide]<\/p>\n
23. You don\u2019t know much about him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
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24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
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3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
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8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
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1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
If you can relate to most of the previous signs, then chances are, you don\u2019t feel like you really know him. Why is that?<\/p>\n
He never talks freely about himself, he gets defensive if you ask about his personal life, he\u2019s vague about work, and never shares his interests.<\/p>\n
The truth is, he\u2019s secretive because he isn\u2019t attached to your relationship. He may be open to having fun, but he doesn\u2019t want things to get deep.<\/p>\n
\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
24. You\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the biggest red flags in any relationship. If you\u2019re saved under a different name on his phone, he\u2019s hiding you from someone! There is no other way around explaining this one.<\/p>\n
25. He has a wife\/girlfriend<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
If you found out that he has another woman, you can be damn sure that she\u2019s either his girlfriend or wife.<\/p>\n
Although it can be nice to fantasize you\u2019re his number one, listen to your gut. If he\u2019s not treating you like his partner, then you\u2019re the side chick in this story. [Read: 22 truths & mistakes of being the other woman in love with a married man]<\/p>\n
The honest reasons why being a side chick hurts<\/span><\/h2>\nNow that we\u2019ve covered the signs of being a side chick, it\u2019s time to address the reality of it. Being the side chick is never easy. In fact, the emotional turmoil you\u2019re put through is nothing but painful.<\/p>\n
Unreciprocated love weighs down on your self-esteem and makes you question your worth in your relationship. If you can relate to any of the reasons why being a side chick hurts, it\u2019s time to make some serious changes in your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995, The need to belong<\/p>\n
1. You\u2019ll always be a secret<\/span><\/h3>\nIt sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
It sounds harsh, but let\u2019s face it, you\u2019re being kept a secret. It\u2019s unfair, it\u2019s cruel, but it\u2019s the reality of being the side chick. He keeps you in the dark because he is scared of getting found out.<\/p>\n
Not only does this hurt emotionally, but it also retrains you. Think about it, he essentially controls you. He gets to call the shots on where you meet, who knows you, when you see each other, and the list goes on.<\/p>\n
2. You\u2019ll never be a first priority<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you had any chance of becoming his first priority, you wouldn\u2019t be labeled \u201cside\u201d chick, you\u2019d be up front and center. This is especially true if he has established a family already. If he has a wife and kids, they will come first, after himself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
3. You could be waiting for him forever<\/span><\/h3>\nInstead of growing and meeting new people, you end up sitting around for someone forever. The reality is, you\u2019re wasting time living your life under his restraints.<\/p>\n
If you have planned meetings, he\u2019ll cancel them whenever it suits him most. He\u2019ll ghost you for days or weeks at a time. The relationship isn\u2019t equal, you\u2019re attached to him while he benefits from having a life outside of you.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re being used for sex<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
This is another harsh truth. Most men have affairs when they\u2019re looking for sex outside of their relationship. If he only seems to reach out late at night for sex, then you\u2019re being used.<\/p>\n
A relationship thrives from emotional connection, and if you don\u2019t share that, then you\u2019re only a booty call to him. [Read: Signs to know if you\u2019re being used for sex or money]<\/p>\n
5. You\u2019re short-term<\/span><\/h3>\nAffairs are often a short-term emotional or physical fling, rarely do they last long. This is because your relationship with him has no foundation, no emotional connection, to build itself from.<\/p>\n
He keeps you hidden, you doubt your feelings, and there is no security in the relationship. These are all signs that you\u2019re walking on shaky ground and the relationship has no means to last.<\/p>\n
6. He isn\u2019t really invested in you<\/span><\/h3>\nBeing a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Being a side chick comes with having a one-sided relationship. Although you may not sense it in the beginning when he\u2019s love-bombing you, he isn\u2019t really all that invested in you, your interests, or your life.<\/p>\n
This is the upsetting truth. His priorities aren\u2019t on you, so why would he care? He puts in minimum effort to keep you around and builds a wall between the two of you when anything gets deep.<\/p>\n
7. You might be blamed for his doing<\/span><\/h3>\nThis is one of the most hurtful things about being the side chick. If word gets out about your relationship, the blame will be put on your shoulders. Whether you knew about his other girlfriend or his wife and kids, you will be the reason for his betrayal in their eyes.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
8. Guilt can weigh your mind<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you do suspect he is seeing another woman, the guilt you feel is inevitable. It\u2019s heavy and it can be all-consuming. You may even begin to feel guilty for things that are out of your reach. \ud83d\udcda Source: Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., et al., 2007, Moral emotions and moral behavior<\/p>\n
From a young age, we are taught that cheating is harmful, so your guilt may even lead you to want to expose his behavior to his other woman. [Read: Guilty conscience \u2013 what it is & 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re missing out on other people<\/span><\/h3>\nAs we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
As we said before, you\u2019re wasting time waiting around for this guy forever. The energy you put into your current fling could be spent meeting new, single men who would treat you special. But instead, you hold back, waiting for your current guy to reach out while he\u2019s at home with his main partner.<\/p>\n
10. If he wanted to be with you, he would<\/span><\/h3>\nAt the end of the day, love convinces people to do anything their heart desires. If he really wanted to pursue you, he would leave his past behind and start fresh with you as his number one partner and priority.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to change his life for you, he would. It\u2019s the sad truth. After all, you\u2019re changing your life because you love him. Why isn\u2019t he doing the same? [Read: Is he lying? 21 signs to tell if a guy is a liar & the subtle ways to read his lies]<\/p>\n
How to walk away from being a side chick<\/span><\/h2>\nYou may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
You may be someone\u2019s side chick right now, but this doesn\u2019t have to last forever. It\u2019s time to break the cycle and be with someone who sees you as their partner, not a second choice.<\/p>\n
Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won\u2019t be easy, but it\u2019s possible. Here are steps to take back control in your life and not accept anything less than being a number one choice.<\/p>\n
\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
1. Accept what happened<\/span><\/h3>\nAt some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened.<\/p>\n
This is something you can\u2019t change. But you can<\/em> change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: Loving someone you can\u2019t have \u2013 15 ways to accept unreciprocated love]<\/p>\n2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
2. Is this what you want?<\/span><\/h3>\nThere are some women out there who want to be a side chick. They enjoy the casualness of the relationship and the lack of pressure. This is your choice. Decide the type of relationship you want and if being a side chick is really what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n
Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn\u2019t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you feel those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.<\/p>\n
3. Talk to him<\/span><\/h3>\nMany women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Many women stay a side chick because they think one day he\u2019ll make them the main chick. Listen, odds are that\u2019s never going to happen, especially if he\u2019s married. Talk to him and see where he stands.<\/p>\n
In some rare cases, the guy may be willing to leave his serious relationship and be with you. But either way, you should sit down together and see what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n
4. Reflect on your choices<\/span><\/h3>\nYou won\u2019t break the pattern unless you see why<\/em> you\u2019re going after men who are in relationships. Why are you attracted to taken men? Are you scared of committing to a serious relationship?<\/p>\nIt\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
It\u2019s time to look in the mirror and figure out why you do what you do. [Read: Am I emotionally unavailable? 32 signs you are & the fastest ways to fix it]<\/p>\n
5. No more sleepovers or playdates with him<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to break the pattern of being a side chick, then make some serious changes. We know it\u2019s not easy, but if you don\u2019t do it, you won\u2019t move forward in your life.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
If he comes over to your place for a sleepover or to hang out, cut it off. Intimacy is the first thing that you should cut off, as it will only cloud your judgment when it comes to making harder decisions, like cutting him off.<\/p>\n
6. Seriously, stop being available<\/span><\/h3>\nWhen he has free time, he would come over to your house, or you would take the day off to see him. Girl, stop! If you want to know how to stop being a side chick, don\u2019t be available.<\/p>\n
You being there for every text and call isn\u2019t making this situation any better. Whether you want to see if he\u2019ll leave his partner for you or you just want to end things completely, stop being available. [Read: 23 needy signs & ways to stop being too available for your partner]<\/p>\n
7. Re-evaluate your relationship goals<\/span><\/h3>\nWhat are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
What are your goals and dreams for the future? What do you want? If you\u2019re wondering how to walk away from the side-chick life, it\u2019s time you sat down with yourself and really thought about what you want out of your life.<\/p>\n
Write down or create a vision board of the type of relationship you want in your life. Odds are, you being a side chick doesn\u2019t fit into that vision.<\/p>\n
8. If it\u2019s purely for sex, you have other options<\/span><\/h3>\nIf this is based solely on sex, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can\u2019t fully have? [Read: Meaningless sex \u2013 what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you\u2019re ready for it]<\/p>\n
9. Be kind to yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
It\u2019s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it\u2019s easy to make yourself feel small. But that\u2019s not what you need right now.<\/p>\n
Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn\u2019t an easy process. It will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself.<\/p>\n
\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
10. End the relationship<\/span><\/h3>\nIf you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you\u2019re a side chick for isn\u2019t going to end his main relationship.<\/p>\n
If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That\u2019s the first step to making a serious change in your life.<\/p>\n
11. Go through the motions of a breakup<\/span><\/h3>\nThis was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
This was a relationship. You were intimate with him and had feelings for him. So, when you decide to stop being his side chick, you\u2019ll suffer the feelings you would have if you were in a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to feel sadness and then anger, and these emotions are perfectly normal. Process them so you can move on. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup & move on from your ex-relationship]<\/p>\n
12. Cut off contact<\/span><\/h3>\nTo stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guy who sees you as one. You need to cut contact with him and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back.<\/p>\n
Delete his number and block him from any form of communication. If you have him on social media, block him.<\/p>\n
Remember, this is a breakup. So, you cannot be looking at photos or posts of him with his partner and kids. This isn\u2019t going to make you feel any better or help you to move on. He has his partner, he made a choice. Delete him from your social media so you can live your life. \ud83d\udcda Source: Fisher, H.E., et al., 2006, Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice<\/p>\n
13. Take time off for yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nAfter your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
After your breakup, it\u2019s important that you give yourself enough space to heal and grow. So, spend some time alone to focus on doing things you love and feel fulfilled doing. Rediscovering your sense of self is a huge part of walking away from being a side chick for good.<\/p>\n
14. Uncover your fears<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it\u2019s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won\u2019t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you\u2019ll be able to push through them.<\/p>\n
\n\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n Skip the wait. Join MIRL as a Priority Member with code: MIRLVIP\n <\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
15. Forgive yourself<\/span><\/h3>\nWe all make mistakes, we\u2019re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you\u2019ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself \u2013 20 steps to loving all of yourself]<\/p>\n
16. Get excited about the change<\/span><\/h3>\nYou\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
You\u2019re changing your life for the better, and even though it\u2019s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life?<\/p>\n
See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better.<\/p>\n
17. See other men who are available<\/span><\/h3>\nNow, when we say see other men, that doesn\u2019t mean to follow down the path that you\u2019ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time when you should change your ways.<\/p>\n
Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men when you\u2019re ready. There are many good men who are available and won\u2019t see you as a side chick. [Read: 64 best places to meet men and find you perfect attractive, eligible guy]<\/p>\n
18. Focus on building your self-respect<\/span><\/h3>\nAside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n
19. Remember your worth<\/span><\/h3>\nIt\u2019s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn\u2019t a real relationship, you\u2019re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you\u2019re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.<\/p>\n
[Read: 20 signs he wants to cheat with you \u2013 what do you want to do now?]<\/p>\n
You were never meant to be someone\u2019s secret. Love isn\u2019t supposed to come with conditions, breadcrumbs, or back doors. If these signs of a side chick hit home, it\u2019s not too late to choose better, for yourself, your worth, and your future. You deserve to be the main character in your own love story.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Aside from hurting other women, you also hurt yourself. Being a side chick means that you\u2019ll most likely never be the number one woman in your life, no matter what he tells you.<\/p>\n
Focus on improving the respect and love you have for yourself. Because let\u2019s face it, if you had self-respect and self-love, you wouldn\u2019t let a man treat you like this.<\/p>\n