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I want to share a little-known secret with you, one that you would never surmise if you derived the majority of your sex education from pop culture:<\/p>\n
There\u2019s more to sex than orgasms.<\/strong><\/p>\n Shocking, I know.<\/p>\n This statement flies in the face of the hierarchal model of sex we\u2019ve all been handed that goes like this:<\/p>\n Kiss, touch breasts, touch genitals, oral sex, penetration, simultaneous orgasms.<\/p>\n In childhood terms this was:<\/p>\n Kiss (mouth closed), French kiss (too much tongue), first base (touching boobs), second base (touching genitals), oral, vaginal penetration, simultaneous orgasms.<\/p>\n I\u2019m sharing the childhood version to elucidate how early in life this model is transmitted. The basic message is: sex is a stepping stone that begins with a kiss and ends with orgasms.<\/p>\n But why? Who invented this limited idea? (The same person who invented the restrictive, cookie-cutter educational model, perhaps?!? Just kidding\u2026 :)).<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n The reality of sex is quite different:<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n The problem with the hierarchal model is that if the big bang of the orgasms doesn\u2019t happen, one or both partners are left feeling like something is missing. If you\u2019re a sensitive male and your female partner doesn\u2019t orgasm but you do, you\u2019re left feeling like a selfish lover. (God bless the sensitive males who want equality in their sex life.) If you\u2019re female and you can\u2019t reach orgasm through intercourse, you\u2019re often left feeling like you\u2019re not a good lover, or like there\u2019s something wrong with you.<\/p>\n On some level, you\u2019re both left wondering: Why doesn\u2019t our sex life follow the Hollywood script?<\/p>\n The short answer is: Hollywood is bing-bang-boom, which means they aren\u2019t going to waste 14 minutes of a film to show the actual time it takes for a woman to orgasm.<\/p>\n Also, historically most films have been written, directed, and produced by men. Hence. they conform to the male gaze and fantasy that women come in 5 minutes from intercourse alone.<\/p>\n The end result: a lot of women feel shame about their bodies and their sexuality.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n It\u2019s time to change the narrative and heal our shame so that we can reclaim our sexuality. One positive aspect of the internet and social media is that there are many people out there who are busting these pervasive and pernicious myths and replacing them with the truth. One of my favorites is a woman named Lauren Fogel Mersy, who co-wrote a book called Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships.\u00a0<\/p>\n Here the authors share an alternative to the Sexual Staircase model (starting with kissing or touching and ending with penetration and orgasms) called the Wheel Model. In this model the ways of connecting sexually are not hierarchal, like stairs, but are all of equal value, like a wheel. The new model includes other ways of intimately connecting, like showing together, using a sex toy, cuddling, massaging, and spooning.<\/p>\n But it\u2019s not only the Sexual Staircase model that creates shame. We\u2019re injected with shame about our bodies from nearly the moment we\u2019re born, told from the beginning that we\u2019re too big or small, too tall or too short, our hair or skin isn\u2019t quite right, and certainly our sexuality is wrong.<\/p>\n We\u2019re taught that our genitals smell bad, that any ounce of fat is disgusting but being too skinny isn\u2019t sexy, our breasts are too large or too small or misshapen in some way.<\/p>\n When healthy sexuality depends on openness, it\u2019s a wonder that any of us can enjoy sex at all, as shame is the fastest way to shut down the channels.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n In 2016, I created Sacred Sexuality: A 40-day course to heal body shame and ignite desire. I have since guided hundreds of women through the roadmap that allows them to excavate the roots of shame and gently, with the support of a loving community, return to what is rightfully ours: vibrant, alive, whole sexuality.<\/p>\n As Kimberly from Pasadena shared:<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cYour course: it\u2019s the best way to start the morning. It really is a masterpiece. This course, the lessons, the calls helped me find the divine feminine place inside myself that isn\u2019t always accessible in the fast-moving world. I write this with a deep smile of gratitude\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n And Georgina from Argentina:<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cThank you, thank you, thank you. I can\u2019t find the words to say what I feel properly because it\u2019s all been so strong and visceral that what I have to say is still at the level of body.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n If you\u2019re ready to receive this roadmap within the vessel of a safe community, please join us for the 10th round of Sacred Sexuality, which will begin on January 31st, 2026. I only run this course live every two years. <\/em>The live round includes three group coaching calls and the support of a highly moderated forum.<\/p>\n Here are the call times, and if you can\u2019t make the live calls you\u2019ll receive the recording afterwards:<\/p>\n Call 1: Tuesday February 10th at 1:30pm ET \/ 10:30am PT Feel free to ask any questions in the comments, and I look forward to seeing you there.<\/p>\nThe Reality of Sex<\/strong><\/h4>\n
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Healing the Shame and Reclaiming Our Sexuality<\/strong><\/h4>\n
A Roadmap to Freedom<\/strong><\/h4>\n
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Call 2: Monday February 23rd at 12 noon ET \/ 9am PT
Call 3: Thursday March 5 at 4pm ET \/ 1pm PT<\/p>\n