{"id":329,"date":"2026-01-15T05:18:05","date_gmt":"2026-01-15T05:18:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/how-a-secure-person-handles-an-avoidant-pulling-away-the-feminine-woman-dating-love-relationship-advice-for-women\/"},"modified":"2026-01-15T05:18:05","modified_gmt":"2026-01-15T05:18:05","slug":"how-a-secure-person-handles-an-avoidant-pulling-away-the-feminine-woman-dating-love-relationship-advice-for-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/how-a-secure-person-handles-an-avoidant-pulling-away-the-feminine-woman-dating-love-relationship-advice-for-women\/","title":{"rendered":"How A Secure Person Handles An Avoidant Pulling Away \u2013 The Feminine Woman \u2013 Dating, Love &#038; Relationship Advice for Women"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div xmlns:default=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" itemprop=\"text\">\n<p>Your avoidant <strong>pulling away<\/strong> can me maddening, but it doesn\u2019t have to cause you to spiral, and we\u2019re going to discover exactly how securely attached people respond to avoidants pulling away, so that you can:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Model the secure person\u2019s behaviour; and<\/li>\n<li>Start to resonate with their security-enhancing techniques and thought processes.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!<\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"585\" src=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/gemini-2.5-flash-image-preview_A_cinematic_portrait_photograph_of_A_photo_of_a_calm_woman_standing_firm_and_centered_with_soft_go-0-1-1024x585.png.webp\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-25926\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/gemini-2.5-flash-image-preview_A_cinematic_portrait_photograph_of_A_photo_of_a_calm_woman_standing_firm_and_centered_with_soft_go-0-1-1024x585.png.webp 1024w,https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/gemini-2.5-flash-image-preview_A_cinematic_portrait_photograph_of_A_photo_of_a_calm_woman_standing_firm_and_centered_with_soft_go-0-1-300x171.png.webp 300w,https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/gemini-2.5-flash-image-preview_A_cinematic_portrait_photograph_of_A_photo_of_a_calm_woman_standing_firm_and_centered_with_soft_go-0-1-768x439.png.webp 768w,https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/gemini-2.5-flash-image-preview_A_cinematic_portrait_photograph_of_A_photo_of_a_calm_woman_standing_firm_and_centered_with_soft_go-0-1.png.webp 1344w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Secure_Attachment_Is_An_Inner_Resource\"\/>Secure Attachment Is An Inner Resource<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h2>\n<p>First of all, understand that secure attachment is an inner resource by which secure people draw from during stressful times. <\/p>\n<p>This means that secure people would be able to react without a fight or flight response when the avoidant pulls away, because their nervous systems are well regulated.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, they seek to understand or to problem solve. Now:<\/p>\n<p>Just so that you understand the <em><strong>general <\/strong><\/em>differences in behavior of men and women, I have to make a distinction here between the masculine and feminine responses of secure people\u2026<\/p>\n<p class=\"yellow-cake\">SPECIAL REPORT: How to Become the World\u2019s Most Attractive &amp; Feminine Goddess (Even if you have no self esteem or no man has ever paid you any attention\u2026) <strong><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">CLICK HERE to download it at no cost.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Masculine_Versus_Feminine_Response\"\/>Masculine Versus Feminine Response<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h3>\n<p>In general, <strong>masculine men<\/strong> tend to problem solve in their default state, whereas <strong>feminine women<\/strong> would go to nurturing in terms of their actions. <\/p>\n<p>But their actions both come from a place of resourcefulness, not from a place of fighting or fleeing if they\u2019re truly securely attached.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>And this is a general bias in the behavior of masculine men and feminine women. But the problem solving and nurturing behaviors of secure people <strong><mark style=\"background-color:#f7f512\" class=\"has-inline-color\">usually don\u2019t carry an air of stress or anxiety. <\/mark><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So I want you to be aware of the masculine and feminine biases in behavior, and don\u2019t assume that they come from <strong>insecure attachment styles.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Because insecure attachment styles have at their core a fight or flight response under stress. Secure people go to that response only when it\u2019s truly necessary. <\/p>\n<p>Simply put, it\u2019s not <strong><em>always<\/em><\/strong> the behavior that betray insecure attachment, but rather, it\u2019s the energy the behavior carries with it. <\/p>\n<p><strong>Recommended: Why Avoidant Men CHEAT.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><video width=\"100%\" autoplay=\"\" loop=\"\" muted=\"\" playsinline=\"\"><source src=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/hvv-gif.mp4\" type=\"video\/mp4\"\/><\/video><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What_A_Secure_Person_Does_The_Minute_An_Avoidant_Pulls_Away\"\/>What A Secure Person Does The Minute An Avoidant Pulls Away<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h2>\n<p>So a secure person, (man or woman) would notice the avoidant pulling away and acknowledge the sudden change in behaviour. Then they\u2019d get curious and ask themselves a question: <\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><em>\u201cThis is unexpected, did I do something to cause this?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>They might reach out to ask if the avoidant is ok, or if they need anything.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Related: 11 Genius Ways to Communicate to An Avoidant Partner.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Remember, secure people who are invested in a relationship are able to put connection first. That\u2019s the privilege of securely attached individuals. <\/p>\n<p>And this is also why I often say, focus on <strong>building emotional connection<\/strong> and <strong>emotional attraction.<\/strong> It is these two factors and these two factors alone that keep a relationship healthy long term. This is the secure behavior you should emulate. <\/p>\n<p>If you want to discover your CORE attachment style and get a score for how secure you are, take my free attachment quiz below (it only takes 3 minutes):<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Do_the_quiz_What_is_my_attachment_style\"\/>Do the quiz: What is my attachment style? <span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h2>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"If_the_Avoidant_Repeatedly_Pulls_Away_Heres_How_A_Secure_Person_Handles_It%E2%80%A6\"\/>If the Avoidant Repeatedly Pulls Away, Here\u2019s How A Secure Person Handles It\u2026<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h3>\n<p>If the secure person has experienced this pulling away with the avoidant many times in the past, their behaviour will look a little different. There are <em><strong>two<\/strong><\/em> possibilities the secure person will choose.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s start with the first possibility.<\/p>\n<p>The first possibility happens when the secure person wants to continue the relationship with the avoidant despite the avoidant repeatedly pulling away, and here\u2019s what they\u2019d do.<\/p>\n<p>They may tell the avoidant: <\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><em>\u201cI\u2019m here if you need anything\u201d.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>The second possibility occurs if the secure person has come to the realisation that the avoidant is repeatedly sabotaging the connection.<\/p>\n<p>And this realisation has allowed them to see that <em><strong>the relationship is not going anywhere. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Since secure people typically try in earnest to create connection in a relationship, and the avoidant would\u2019ve responded with hostility or pulled away, <strong><mark style=\"background-color:#f7f512\" class=\"has-inline-color\">the securely attached person would choose to end the relationship with the avoidant.<\/mark><\/strong><\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"800\" height=\"456\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-16403\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/17AT-cta-blog.jpg.webp 800w,https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/17AT-cta-blog-300x171.jpg.webp 300w,https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/17AT-cta-blog-768x438.jpg.webp 768w\" data-lazy-sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" src=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/17AT-cta-blog.jpg.webp\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"800\" height=\"456\" src=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/17AT-cta-blog.jpg.webp\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-16403\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/17AT-cta-blog.jpg.webp 800w,https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/17AT-cta-blog-300x171.jpg.webp 300w,https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/17AT-cta-blog-768x438.jpg.webp 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\"\/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_ONLY_Scenario_In_Which_Secure_People_STAY_With_An_Avoidant%E2%80%A6\"\/>The ONLY Scenario In Which Secure People STAY With An Avoidant\u2026<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h2>\n<p>I want you to remember this: a secure person would only waste their valuable energy on an avoidant for one reason:<\/p>\n<p><strong>They\u2019re misguided about the psychology of avoidants. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In other words, they project their own inner security onto the avoidant, believing erroneously that the avoidant <em>sees them positively<\/em> and that the avoidant will return with more presence when they\u2019re ready.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>And that\u2019s just not the case, because avoidants see only themselves positively and others negatively. Also, be aware that I\u2019m talking about <em>pure <\/em>avoidants.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re dealing with a fearful avoidant <strong>or someone with disorganised attachment style<\/strong>, that person would swing the pendulum from seeing you negatively and themselves positively (the avoidant\u2019s inner blueprint) to seeing themselves negatively and you positively \u2013 basically putting you on a pedestal.<\/p>\n<p>And that tendency to see themselves negatively comes from the anxious attachment pattern in the disorganised framework. <\/p>\n<p>So let me know in the comments below: what is your typical response when your avoidant pulls away? What have you done in the past?<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"346\" height=\"409\" alt=\"renee wade what to do when he doesn't call\" class=\"wp-image-10736\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/renee.jpg.webp 346w,https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/renee-254x300.jpg.webp 254w\" data-lazy-sizes=\"(max-width: 346px) 100vw, 346px\" src=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/renee.jpg.webp\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"346\" height=\"409\" src=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/renee.jpg.webp\" alt=\"renee wade what to do when he doesn't call\" class=\"wp-image-10736\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/renee.jpg.webp 346w,https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/renee-254x300.jpg.webp 254w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 346px) 100vw, 346px\"\/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n<p><mark style=\"\"><b>P<\/b><\/mark><strong><mark>.S.<\/mark> <\/strong><span class=\"underline\" style=\"text-decoration: underline\"><strong>CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives!<\/strong><\/span> Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, <strong><span class=\"underline\" style=\"text-decoration: underline\">CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. <strong><mark>(It\u2019s free and so incredibly valuable!) <\/mark><span style=\"text-decoration: underline\" class=\"underline\">CLICK HERE TO<\/span> join thousands of other women in our \u201cHigh Value Feminine Women\u201d Community.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>By the way, while you\u2019re at it, connect with me on social media.<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-24774\" src=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/coachinggif3-ezgif.com-optimize.gif\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/coachinggif3-ezgif.com-optimize.gif\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-24774\"\/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"saboxplugin-wrap\" itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/Person\" itemscope=\"\" itemprop=\"author\">\n<div class=\"saboxplugin-tab\">\n<div class=\"saboxplugin-gravatar\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" alt=\"Renee Wade The Feminine Woman\" itemprop=\"image\" src=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/e2ccf78e7ae1870538292e38edfe2ff7.jpeg.webp\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/e2ccf78e7ae1870538292e38edfe2ff7.jpeg.webp\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" alt=\"Renee Wade The Feminine Woman\" itemprop=\"image\"\/><\/noscript><\/div>\n<div class=\"saboxplugin-desc\">\n<div itemprop=\"description\">\n<p>Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman &amp; co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10\u2019s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.<\/p>\n<p>Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p><script type=\"rocketlazyloadscript\" nonce=\"4yZwhMbBbX\">\n      setTimeout(function() {\n  !function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s)\n  {if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function(){n.callMethod?\n  n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments)};\n  if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0';\n  n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0;\n  t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];\n  s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)}(window, document,'script',\n  'https:\/\/connect.facebook.net\/en_US\/fbevents.js');\n  fbq('init', '293081304628191');\n  fbq('track', 'PageView');\n    }, 3000);\n<\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><br \/>\n<br \/><a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Your avoidant pulling away can me maddening, but it doesn\u2019t have to cause you to spiral, and we\u2019re going to discover exactly how securely attached people respond to avoidants pulling away, so that you can: Model the secure person\u2019s behaviour; and Start to resonate with their security-enhancing techniques and thought processes.\u00a0 QUIZ TIME: Is your [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_daextam_enable_autolinks":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-329","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/gemini-2.5-flash-image-preview_A_cinematic_portrait_photograph_of_A_photo_of_a_calm_woman_standing_firm_and_centered_with_soft_go-0-1-1.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=329"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/330"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=329"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=329"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=329"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}