{"id":55123,"date":"2026-03-18T15:23:18","date_gmt":"2026-03-18T15:23:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/what-is-nacho-parenting-in-blended-families\/"},"modified":"2026-03-18T15:23:18","modified_gmt":"2026-03-18T15:23:18","slug":"what-is-nacho-parenting-in-blended-families","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/what-is-nacho-parenting-in-blended-families\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is “Nacho Parenting” in Blended Families?"},"content":{"rendered":"


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Because I\u2019ve worked in stepfamily ministry for many years, I\u2019m often asked about the term \u201cNacho Kids\u201d or \u201cNacho Parenting.\u201d<\/p>\n

This phrase, created, owned, and trademarked in 2013 by David and Lori Sims, came after they attended a marriage counseling session. They were struggling to blend her son and his 4 children into one household.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe explained to our counselor how the most challenging part of our blending was how to deal, or not deal, with each other\u2019s kids,\u201d Lori shared. \u201cThe counselor looked at me and said, \u2018Lori, David\u2019s kids are not your kids.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Initially, we perceived his response as negative. However, after thinking about it, we came to realize it made perfect sense! As a stepmom, I was creating my own misery. I was trying to parent David\u2019s kids in the way I felt they should be parented. So, I quickly took his advice and changed my mindset. Everything changed for the better. That\u2019s how Nacho Kids was born.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Because the phrase is often misunderstood as being destructive, here\u2019s a definition directly from the founders.<\/p>\n

Nacho Kid<\/h2>\n

noun \\ \u02c8n\u00e4-ch\u014d kid \\<\/p>\n

1. A child in a blended family where the stepparent maintains a supportive, caring relationship but does not assume the primary parenting role. This allows the biological parents to handle discipline, rules, and major parenting decisions.<\/p>\n

2. A concept within the Nacho Kids\u00ae method emphasizing healthy boundaries in stepfamilies by recognizing that a stepparent can care about a child, without carrying the responsibility of parenting them.<\/p>\n

The method is designed to teach the biological parent and the stepparent how to:<\/p>\n

-Learn their role<\/p>\n

-Understand what\u2019s normal in a blended family<\/p>\n

-Let each parent be the parent<\/p>\n

-Set a wise, healthy boundary with a spouse<\/p>\n

-Step away from things they can\u2019t control<\/p>\n

-Let go of the need to be right<\/p>\n

-Bring unity into the home<\/p>\n

As a stepfamily coach, I use a different phrase. I call it \u201cStepping back without stepping out.\u201d However, it means the same thing as Nacho Parenting.<\/p>\n

Clearing up the Confusion<\/strong><\/h2>\n
    \n
  1. Occasionally, when a stepfamily hears the phrase “nacho parenting,” they become defensive. They assume it\u2019s giving the stepparent permission or encouragement to dislike, dismiss, or ostracize their stepchild. Nothing could be further from the truth.<\/li>\n
  2. Stepfamilies are complex. After a death, divorce, or uncoupling, there is pain and grief involved. Afterwards, the new couple dreams of how a stepfamily should operate. That vision, although well-intentioned, creates a narrative where the blending becomes an \u201cinstafamily.” Our desire is for everyone in the home to view each other through the same family lens.<\/li>\n
  3. Combining two homes into one takes time. Because the adults have a new love that is fresh and wonderful, they desire to recreate what was lost. They have a wholesome outlook on marriage and family. But once all the kids are under one roof, things can change\u2014quickly.<\/li>\n
  4. One of the biggest reasons stepfamilies fail is because the couple moved too quickly and\/or the parent never became an emotionally stable single parent before getting remarried. The parent didn\u2019t learn how to overcome the guilt, shame, fear, or exhaustion that comes with being a single parent. They place the stepparent into the parenting role they dodged to avoid being the \u201cbad cop.\u201d The kids, young or old, are forced to view and embrace the new stepfamily as biological family. Whenever you hear a parent say, \u201cThere are no steps in this house, we are all one family,\u201d it\u2019s an indication that the kids haven’t been given the time and space needed to bond with the stepfamily.<\/li>\n
  5. When a biological parent steps back and allows the stepparent to become the main disciplinarian, it usually backfires. The stepparent cannot\u2014and should not\u2014parent more than the biological parent. THIS is where the Nacho Kids method is brilliant. The method teaches the stepparent how to hand the reins of discipline back to the parent where they belong. Rules without relationship cause rebellion.<\/li>\n
  6. A question I\u2019m often asked is, \u2018What if the parent refuses to parent\u2019? This is a marriage problem, not a stepfamily problem. Pre-marriage counseling should have addressed this issue before anything else. Unfortunately, very few couples receive this information. If the marriage is going to survive, the couple must get help from professionals who specialize in stepfamilies.<\/li>\n
  7. \u201cLove them as your own\u201d has become a common stepfamily mantra. The motive behind it is right; the method is incorrect. God gave parents a connection to their child, which is unlike any other love. He did that intentionally so we would have a glimpse of how much he loves us. No matter what we do, God won\u2019t stop loving us. That\u2019s typically how a parent or grandparent loves their own child\u2014 unconditionally. It\u2019s indescribable. To tell a man or woman that they should have the same attachment and fascination with a child their spouse had with ANOTHER person is heartless and unrealistic. It sets them up for shame and failure. Blended family love forms over time. It\u2019s not instantaneous. Most stepparents who have biological children will say, \u201cI passionately love my stepkids. However, it is a different kind of love than I have for my biological children.\u201d Why do we discredit or humiliate a stepparent because they experience a totally natural response? Isn\u2019t a chosen love for a child that isn\u2019t their own a greater sacrifice and devotion? Shouldn\u2019t a stepparent be applauded instead of vilified because the tenderness occurred over time?
    <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    When it Goes Wrong<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    I am not na\u00efve. I\u2019ve worked in divorce recovery and stepfamily ministry for over 30 years. Plus, I\u2019ve seen all the Disney movies. I meet stepparents who don\u2019t love\u2014or even like\u2014their stepkids. Either they were na\u00efve and\/or underestimated the effort it would take to create a healthy blended family. Or they didn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

    Regardless, it\u2019s the kids and grandkids who suffer.<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n

    Some went into the relationship knowing they had no desire to bond with or form a friendship with their partner\u2019s kids. The kids were expendable. This is completely different than the stepparent who \u201cdidn\u2019t know what they didn\u2019t know.\u201d This is an egocentric person who merely wanted a spouse and didn\u2019t care if the kids were casualties. While dating, they pretend to enjoy the kids, but when the \u201cI do\u201d was spoken, their true colors shone brightly.<\/p>\n

    Those are the stepparents who pervert the term Nacho Kids. They use it as a weapon to humiliate, criticize, dismiss, or ostracize an innocent stepchild. For this stepparent, it\u2019s a conquest or a competition. They force their spouse to choose, saying, \u201cIt\u2019s your child or me.\u201d<\/p>\n

    This is not the nacho parenting method, nor is it encouraged by the founders.<\/p>\n

    \"Adult<\/source><\/source><\/source><\/picture><\/p>\n

    Photo credit: \u00a9GettyImages\/Anchiy<\/span><\/p>\n

    Between a Rock and a Hard Place<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    Sometimes a stepchild will inflict atrocious behavior on a stepparent. Examples are: making false accusations to the police (which could cost the stepparent their job), harming the other kids in the home, threatening to set the house on fire, stealing from the stepparent or stepsiblings, or bringing illegal items into the home. Those behaviors are unacceptable. The stepparent needs to explain to their spouse how they will disengage until the situation is rectified. Depending on the severity, the stepparent may need to temporarily leave the home. This is particularly true if the spouse refuses to implement a consequence for his\/her child, or the parent in the other home prevents a beneficial outcome.<\/p>\n

    Even in these drastic circumstances, nothing<\/em> in the Nacho Kids method encourages or validates an abusive or malicious response from the stepparent.<\/p>\n

    Whether the situation is extremely complex or a normal stepfamily dispute, the method is designed to teach the biological parent and the stepparent how to find wise solutions.<\/p>\n

    It\u2019s not easy. It\u2019s not usually quick. But it is effective and can build a beautiful bridge of unity.<\/p>\n

    Nacho Kids is not a faith-based program. However, its founders are Christians.<\/p>\n

    Related:<\/strong><\/p>\n

    5 Principles for Stepfamilies When the Other Home Doesn\u2019t Follow Jesus<\/p>\n

    4 Steps to Take When Your Stepkids Step Away<\/p>\n

    10 Ways the Church Can Support Stepparents<\/p>\n

    Photo credit: \u00a9GettyImages\/kupicoo<\/span><\/p>\n

    Laura Petherbridge<\/em><\/strong> is an international speaker, author, and life coach. She is the author of: When I Do Becomes I Don\u2019t Practical Steps for Healing During Separation<\/em>\u00a0and Divorce, The Smart Stepmom\u00a0<\/em>(co-authored with Ron Deal),\u00a0101 Tips for The Smart Stepmom, Quiet Moments for the Stepmom Soul,<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>Seeking a Silent Night: Unwrapping a Stepfamily Christmas,\u00a0<\/em>and\u00a0Stepfamilies of the Bible: Timeless Wisdom for Blended Families.<\/em> Her appearances include: The Billy Graham Training Center, Lifeway, Focus on the Family, Family Life, MomLife Today, MOPS, Christianity Today, iBelieve, Crosswalk and Celebrate Kids to name a few. She can be reached at www.TheSmartStepmom.com. March 2026, Laura is speaking at the Legacy Grandparenting Summit. Learn more at LegacyCoalition.com.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n


    \n
    <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Because I\u2019ve worked in stepfamily ministry for many years, I\u2019m often asked about the term \u201cNacho Kids\u201d or \u201cNacho Parenting.\u201d This phrase, created, owned, and trademarked in 2013 by David and Lori Sims, came after they attended a marriage counseling session. They were struggling to blend her son and his 4 children into one household. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":55124,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_daextam_enable_autolinks":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-55123","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/32246-gettyimages-510071770_source_file.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55123","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=55123"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55123\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/55124"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=55123"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=55123"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=55123"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}