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I define a mother wound as:<\/p>\n
\u00a0A rupture of attunement where a mother, due to her own unmet needs, lack of fulfillment\/sense of self, and\/or narcissistic and judgmental tendencies is unable to meet the emotional needs of her child. The mother\u2019s expectations and needs become paramount and the daughter learns to orient around those needs.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n As the center of being raised by a mother who can\u2019t attune to her daughter\u2019s needs lives a variety of \u201ccontracts\u201d, which are unwritten and unspoken rules that the daughter must abide by if she\u2019s going to remain in her mother\u2019s good graces. Here are a few (I list many more in my Healing the Mother Wound course). The contract goes like this: As a \u201cgood daughter\u201d it\u2019s my job\/I\u2019m supposed to:<\/strong><\/p>\n At the core of these contracts is a common thread, which is one of the key hallmarks of a mother wound: you must never say NO to your mot<\/strong>her, and if you do say no you will be<\/strong> punished<\/strong>. In this sense, there is a cult-like quality to a being raised by a wounded mother: as long as you drink her Kool-Aid, she\u2019ll give you the world. But as soon as you say no, you\u2019re kicked to the curb.<\/p>\n You\u2019re either in or out.<\/p>\n You\u2019re either in favor or out of favor.<\/p>\n A narcissistic mother cannot tolerate being challenged.<\/p>\n She cannot tolerate a difference of opinion.<\/p>\n She cannot tolerate when her daughter begins to individuate, often between the ages of 8-12 years old.<\/p>\n When we learn that we cannot say no to our primary caregiver, we carry that belief into other relationships. We lose our voice. We pretzel and people-please. We become afraid of our anger, which is often a prelude to NO. We have a difficult time setting boundaries and trusting that someone\u2019s reaction is not our fault.<\/p>\n The effects of being raised by a wounded mother are far-reaching, but if you are an adult daughter carrying a mother wound, there is a pathway to healing.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n The pathway requires grieving the mother that you never had so that you can open to the loving mothers who are all around you.<\/p>\n For the truth is that mothering is too vast of a job for one person. Even if you had a loving mother, it\u2019s not enough to fill the need for mothering that we all have.<\/p>\n Once we grieve what never was nor could be, we can open to what is.<\/p>\n The woman who birthed me<\/em> Every time we notice an insect climbing up<\/em> How easy it is to forget that \u00a0<\/p>\n The 5th round of Healing the Mother Wound: A 40-day course for daughters will begin on April 25, 2026, and I only run this course every two years. The course includes three group coaching calls, support on a highly moderated forum, and, most importantly, connecting with other like-minded women worldwide who struggle with this same wound. I only run this course live (there\u2019s no self-paced option) because I deeply believe that we need the support of a guide and other women while addressing this most tender pain. As always, we\u2019re not meant to heal alone, and this is particularly true when it comes to healing from the mother wound.<\/p>\n Here are the dates and times for the Zoom calls. Please note that only about 1\/4 of the participants are typically able to make the live meetings for my courses. <\/em>As always, if you can\u2019t make the meeting, you\u2019ll receive the recording afterwards.<\/p>\n Call 1: Thursday April 30 at 4pm ET \/ 1pm PT I look forward to seeing you there.<\/p>\n P.S. To listen to our Gathering Gold episode on the mother wound, click here.<\/p>\n\n
The Core Hallmark<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Healing the Mother Wound<\/strong><\/h4>\n
is not my true mother,<\/em>
just as I am not the true mother of<\/em>
the sons I birthed.<\/em>
The true mother is the one<\/em>
who rocks us in her salty waters,<\/em>
who whispers to us in the twilight hour when<\/em>
she spreads her golden light across the
<\/span>fields like a picnic blanket and<\/em>
invites us to sit down.<\/em><\/p>\n
a stalk of grass;<\/em>
Every time we cry out to the moon and<\/em>
allow her to catch our tears;<\/em>
Every time we remember to pay homage at the
<\/span>temple of our bodies,<\/em>
we are being held by a mother who<\/em>
knows us,<\/em>
see us,<\/em>
loves us.<\/em><\/p>\n
<\/span>we are not alone,
<\/span>and to believe that
<\/span>the one who birthed us
<\/span>should heal our pain.
<\/span>It is so much bigger than we imagine.<\/em>
It is as a big as the stars and the galaxies \u2013<\/em>
this love from the mother who<\/em>
waits for us to call to her and<\/em>
ask to lie down in her arms.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\nHealing in Community<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Call 2: Thursday May 14th at 4pm ET \/1pm PT
Call 3: Thursday May 28th at 11am ET \/ 8am PT<\/p>\n