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Expectations\u2013We all have them.<\/p>\n
We have expectations of ourselves that can sound limiting like this\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2013\u201cI could never do that! That\u2019s above my paygrade!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Or our expectations of ourselves can run on the positive side like this\u2026<\/p>\n \u2013\u201cDoing that will be a piece of cake and not hard at all.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n While these can certainly trip us up and blindside us\u2026<\/p>\n The expectations that really create havoc are the ones we have about other people\u2013especially those closest to us.<\/strong><\/p>\n For instance, take Rhonda.<\/p>\n A few years ago, she joined one of our online communication courses because she and her long-term boyfriend didn\u2019t seem to be on the same page about anything, especially about family gatherings.<\/p>\n She came from a large, close family who celebrated every holiday and birthday together and she loved those gatherings.<\/p>\n But it seemed that her boyfriend always had some excuse why he couldn\u2019t go because of work or he didn\u2019t feel well.<\/p>\n She was frustrated, felt ignored, didn\u2019t feel appreciated or loved and was embarrassed to always show up alone.<\/p>\n In the session about expectations in our course, Rhonda saw something new about her relationship and her boyfriend.<\/strong><\/p>\n She realized that she had just assumed that he should<\/strong> want to go with her to these family get-togethers\u2026<\/p>\n That since they were a \u201ccouple,\u201d he would want to spend his Sundays with her and her extended family.<\/p>\n And she\u2019d been always disappointed in him and their relationship when her expectations weren\u2019t met.<\/p>\n 1. Don\u2019t assume.<\/strong><\/p>\n We make assumptions because even though we know it\u2019s not true\u2026<\/p>\n We think others think the way we do, believe what we do and want what we want.<\/p>\n Not so. We\u2019re all so different.<\/strong><\/p>\n When Rhonda allowed her judgments of her boyfriend and all the \u201cshoulds\u201d to die down in her mind\u2026<\/p>\n She realized that she had never asked him if he\u2019d like to go to these gatherings with her.<\/p>\n She\u2019d never told him how important family was to her and how she really wanted to be part of their get-togethers.<\/p>\n She had just assumed that he knew all of that about her and that if he loved her\u2026<\/p>\n He\u2019d go with her and like it.<\/p>\n It suddenly dawned on her, that he didn\u2019t have the same family values that she did and that she\u2019d been making him wrong for it.<\/p>\n 2. Make a request and listen.<\/strong><\/p>\n A request isn\u2019t a vague suggestion or an assumption that the other person should know what you want.<\/p>\n It\u2019s asking for what you\u2019d like and we\u2019ll add the caveat of really listening to the answer and not having any expectations about it\u2026<\/p>\n Which can be the tricky part.<\/p>\n The truth is that the other person may or may not want to do what you want but if you listen to one another\u2026<\/p>\n Just like the Rolling Stones said, \u201cYou\u2019ll get what you need.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n When Rhonda asked her boyfriend to go with her to a family picnic the following Sunday, she added that she really wanted to hear what he wanted.<\/p>\n At first, he wasn\u2019t sure he could be honest but then he saw that she really did want to hear what he wanted.<\/p>\n He told her that he liked her family but that he was uncomfortable in large gatherings with so many people.<\/p>\n When Rhonda didn\u2019t make him wrong and react negatively, he went on to tell her that on Sunday\u2019s he liked to relax and that wasn\u2019t relaxation to him.<\/p>\n To Rhonda\u2019s credit, she listened and understood where all his excuses had been coming from.<\/p>\n She realized that he hadn\u2019t wanted to disappoint her and didn\u2019t trust that she could hear his truth.<\/p>\n 3. Allow a resolution and next action to arise.<\/strong><\/p>\n When you suspend judgment, assumptions and expectations, your next actions arise naturally.<\/p>\n When your mind isn\u2019t focused on one solution, other solutions can emerge.<\/p>\n With the pressure off to attend all the family gatherings, Rhonda\u2019s boyfriend chose to go with her once in awhile to the smaller ones.<\/p>\n Since this wasn\u2019t a deal breaker <\/strong>for their relationship\u2026<\/p>\n In her mind, Rhonda made it okay that she go alone to the gatherings she wanted to attend and some Sundays, they planned to relax together.<\/p>\n If assumptions and expectations are getting in the way of love in your relationship\u2026<\/p>\n Know that the first step is recognizing that it\u2019s happening and then you can make another, more loving choice.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n <\/p><\/div>\nHere are a few things Rhonda realized about expectations that can help you have more loving relationships\u2026<\/span><\/h3>\n
Contact us here if you have a question about your particular situation\u2026<\/h3>\n