If you\u2019re reading this, we\u2019re guessing that you\u2019re interested in having more love, intimacy and connection in a relationship that you may feel is lacking in some way.<\/p>\n
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<\/figure>\n<\/div>\nYou may have bought into the idea of just loving your partner more and \u201cbeing an invitation\u201d but are wondering when it\u2019s your turn.<\/p>\n
You may feel like our coaching client, Annie, that you\u2019ve been giving and not getting for a very long time but wondering when you\u2019ll get some love (or whatever you want) in return.<\/p>\n
Annie came to us and explained how for years, she\u2019s told herself to just love her husband better and it will all work out.<\/p>\n
She said that he has responded well and seems happier but he hasn\u2019t shown her the love, attention and consideration that she desperately wanted.<\/p>\n
She asked us whether she should \u201cexpect\u201d love the way she wanted it in return\u2013or whether she had to just \u201csuck it up\u201d and accept the way he was.<\/p>\n
As we talked, it became clear that she was a very loving, giving person AND she had started to wake up to the fact that she wasn\u2019t getting her needs or desire met in her marriage.<\/p>\n
Want a no-charge conversation with us to help you see something new in your life?<\/span><\/h3>\n\u2013>Click Here<\u2013<\/h3>\n
Although she still loved her husband and wanted to stay in the marriage, she\u2019d started asking herself questions like, \u201cWhat about me?\u201d and \u201cWhy can\u2019t he give to me what I give to him?\u201d<\/p>\n
When we gently pointed out that these questions may be taking her away from what she wanted\u2013more connection and deeper love with him, we had her attention.<\/p>\n
What we suggested instead of focusing on giving and not getting was shifting her internal questions to\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\u2013\u201cWhat is it that I\u2019m not seeing about this situation?\u201d <\/strong>
\u2013\u201cWhat could be going on with him that I\u2019m not understanding?\u201d <\/strong>
\u2013\u201cWhat am I expecting that he may not have agreed to?\u201d<\/strong>
\u2013\u201cWhat might he be forgetting or not understanding about what I want?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\nAs we talked about these questions, Annie had an insight that surprised her. She realized she had been giving to her husband and in the process had created an unspoken bargain that she get exactly what she was giving in return.<\/p>\n
She realized that emotionally she had been expecting him to be exactly like her, even though logically she knew he was different. He had been brought up in a family where the intellect was highly valued and emotions, including love, weren\u2019t often expressed. She grew up in a family where everyone was free to express what they were feeling and expressed love openly.<\/p>\n
She also realized that she didn\u2019t ask for what she wanted and had been silently hoping that he would figure it out.<\/p>\n
She had been assuming that he was a mind reader and would just know what she wanted and needed if she gave it to him first.<\/p>\n
With these realizations, Annie had a deeper understanding of the dynamics between the two of them and had a new direction for herself and one that she would talk with him about to find out what he wanted as well.<\/p>\n
The truth is that when you change the questions, you change the conversation in your own mind first and with the other person second about what is truly wanted. You also change from blame to curiosity within yourself.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s one of the true ways that can make all the difference in situations like this where you feel like you\u2019re giving and not getting.<\/p>\n
<\/p><\/div>\n
\u2013\u201cWhat is it that I\u2019m not seeing about this situation?\u201d <\/strong> As we talked about these questions, Annie had an insight that surprised her. She realized she had been giving to her husband and in the process had created an unspoken bargain that she get exactly what she was giving in return.<\/p>\n She realized that emotionally she had been expecting him to be exactly like her, even though logically she knew he was different. He had been brought up in a family where the intellect was highly valued and emotions, including love, weren\u2019t often expressed. She grew up in a family where everyone was free to express what they were feeling and expressed love openly.<\/p>\n She also realized that she didn\u2019t ask for what she wanted and had been silently hoping that he would figure it out.<\/p>\n She had been assuming that he was a mind reader and would just know what she wanted and needed if she gave it to him first.<\/p>\n With these realizations, Annie had a deeper understanding of the dynamics between the two of them and had a new direction for herself and one that she would talk with him about to find out what he wanted as well.<\/p>\n The truth is that when you change the questions, you change the conversation in your own mind first and with the other person second about what is truly wanted. You also change from blame to curiosity within yourself.<\/p>\n It\u2019s one of the true ways that can make all the difference in situations like this where you feel like you\u2019re giving and not getting.<\/p>\n <\/p><\/div>\n
\u2013\u201cWhat could be going on with him that I\u2019m not understanding?\u201d <\/strong>
\u2013\u201cWhat am I expecting that he may not have agreed to?\u201d<\/strong>
\u2013\u201cWhat might he be forgetting or not understanding about what I want?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n