{"id":798,"date":"2026-01-15T11:31:34","date_gmt":"2026-01-15T11:31:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/how-to-deal-with-passive-aggressive-people-without-losing-your-mind\/"},"modified":"2026-01-15T11:31:34","modified_gmt":"2026-01-15T11:31:34","slug":"how-to-deal-with-passive-aggressive-people-without-losing-your-mind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/diyhaven858.wasmer.app\/index.php\/how-to-deal-with-passive-aggressive-people-without-losing-your-mind\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With Passive-Aggressive People (Without Losing Your Mind)"},"content":{"rendered":"


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Many moons ago, a friend and colleague was clearly annoyed with me but wasn\u2019t coming out straight and saying so. Instead, I kept receiving clipped, curt emails, and it felt like they were being obstructive and elusive. I asked several times whether there was an issue. Denials. Crickets. But when it happened again, my patience wore thin, and I called out what was happening: You\u2019ve said X, you\u2019ve been tricky about Y, you\u2019re doing Z, what is going on? And that\u2019s when they finally admitted they were pissed off about something.<\/p>\n

What I experienced is something we all engage in at times and that we also experience a lot from others: passive-aggressive behaviour. <\/strong><\/p>\n

We\u2019re frustrated, angry, not in agreement, or resentful but instead of expressing or communicating it directly, we hint<\/em> at our feelings with obstructionist, resistant and conflicting behaviour. We say one thing and do another, whether it\u2019s saying we\u2019re \u201cokay\u201d while behaving otherwise or claiming we\u2019ll be somewhere or do something knowing full well that we\u2019re not going to.<\/p>\n

All humans are guilty of being passive aggressive. <\/p>\n

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Thanks to growing up during the Age of Obedience where we received conflicting, confusing and sometimes scary messages in childhood about being compliant, not showing feelings, and the importance of telling people what they want to hear, we disconnected from our needs, desires, expectations, feelings and opinions. <\/h4>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Instead, we engage in a lot of indirect communication and behaviour \u2014 aka people pleasing, including perfectionism, overgiving, overthinking, and over-responsibility. We become big-time hinters. <\/p>\n

Some of us are habitually passive aggressive, and it can be exhausting to deal with. When we\u2019re on the receiving end of it, we can expend a lot of brainpower trying to decipher what on earth is going on, second-guessing ourselves, or feeling gaslighted.<\/p>\n

So while we all have our passive-aggressive moments, when you\u2019re dealing with someone who\u2019s habitually like this, here are three tips that can protect your peace and change the dynamic.<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Stick to the Facts<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s important to remember that habitually passive-aggressive folks don\u2019t own up to their behaviour because they don\u2019t see it for what it is.<\/p>\n

They\u2019ve become entrenched in the habit because it feels \u2018effective\u2019 and protective. They figure if they say how they really feel, they\u2019ll have to deal with other people\u2019s feelings. Passive-aggressive people wear masks that hide their longstanding frustration, anger and resentment that they\u2019ve had to deal with in other parts of their life. It just shows up in certain situations, like with coworkers. It\u2019s their way of quietly rebelling and managing their lives. The passive aggression lets them feel as if they\u2019re in control and they can\u2019t be called out.<\/p>\n

If you stick to the facts with someone who\u2019s being passive aggressive, it\u2019s a lot harder for them to wriggle out of whatever the issue is.<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Be factual.<\/p>\n

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  • You said, and repeat as close to verbatim what they said.<\/em><\/li>\n
  • Or, You did, and briefly describe what they did.<\/em><\/li>\n
  • You said X, but you did something else.<\/em><\/li>\n
  • Yes, technically, you did do what I asked but you did it to such a poor standard or with such agitation, I have to question what\u2019s going on here.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    When you present somebody with what they said and what they\u2019ve done, it\u2019s tricky to duck out of, and they have an opportunity to see their behaviour, own it, and be more direct and boundaried. If they want to. <\/p>\n

    2. Don\u2019t Get Drawn Into Side Issues and Side Arguments<\/h2>\n

    It can be so teeth-achingly annoying to attempt to address something directly with someone only for them to try to sidetrack you with another subject. Maybe they throw in an insult or some random thing that has nothing to do with what\u2019s going on right now.<\/p>\n

    You can end up getting really frustrated, maybe losing your temper. You\u2019re basically provoked into having exactly the reaction that they want so that they can go, \u201cSee, this is why I wasn\u2019t honest\u201d or \u201cThis is why I didn\u2019t do [the thing I was never going to do in the first place].\u201d<\/p>\n

    If they try to divert the conversation, say: \u201cNot sure why you\u2019re bringing that up. But anyway, let\u2019s get back to the issue at hand.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Or: \u201cOkay, yeah, that happened ages ago. I\u2019m not sure what that\u2019s got to do with right now. Let\u2019s get back to the issue at hand.\u201d<\/p>\n

    3. Make a Note of Everything<\/h2>\n

    When I work with clients and members who are clearly dealing with someone who\u2019s trying to run rings around them with mind games or passive-aggressive carry-on, I get them to track everything. Particularly if you\u2019re dealing with a coworker (or someone else) who\u2019s making your life miserable and possibly has the potential to impact your job or other relationships (or your wellbeing), note everything. When you feel ground down by the situation, you can refer to your notes and not crazy-make yourself.<\/p>\n

    If you find that you have a verbal agreement and then they backtrack, get things nailed down on email. You can follow it up and go, \u201cJust to clarify as discussed, blah, blah, blah.\u201d<\/p>\n

    And if you find that they\u2019re very difficult to pin down to have a conversation, drop them an email. Even if they never reply, then you know you have a record of attempting to deal with an issue with them.<\/p>\n

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    \"Mr