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Related: <\/span>Hollywood’s Ugliest Divorces: From Johnny and Amber to Erika and Tom<\/span> \n\t\t\tThroughout their time in the spotlight, some A-listers \u2014 including Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, Madonna\u00a0and\u00a0Tom Cruise, among others \u2014 have found themselves involved in pretty messy divorces. Johnny Depp and Amber Heard\u00a0finalized their divorce in 2017, but their relationship drama continued on with a\u00a0nasty court battle after they\u2019ve both accused each other of verbal and [\u2026]\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Sigler married her former manager Discala, 55, in 2003 and they divorced two years later.<\/p>\n \u201cHe was in a relationship and tied to his family and then I got diagnosed with MS right in the beginning of it,\u201d the actress recalled to Us. \u201cIt was almost like all of these things I had to make worth [it] \u2026 like, this relationship had to work.\u201d<\/p>\n As Sigler dealt with her multiple sclerosis diagnosis amid her marital woes, she opened up in her new memoir, And So It Is\u2026: A Memoir of Acceptance and Hope\u00a0(out on May 5) about fantasizing about her own death during her marriage to DiScala. And how difficult it was to relive that.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019d relived that moment until I wrote it,\u201d she told Us. \u201cIt was like as I was getting towards it, it\u2019s almost like the memory resurfaced fully, and it wasn\u2019t even really about suicide. It was like a cry for help. I needed someone to know how much pain I was in. I needed somebody to know how terrified I was, how overwhelmed I was, and he was going through his own thing, and he couldn\u2019t see it. I couldn\u2019t share it with anybody else. It was just a desperate cry for help, and I was terrified.\u201d<\/p>\n Sigler continued, \u201cI knew that I didn\u2019t want to be with him, but I was terrified to be without him. Who would protect me? I had no idea about my finances. I had no idea about anything. Could there have been things that he said back then to make me feel that I would never survive without him, sure, but I also think that I felt that whether he had said that or not, because I was so dependent on him for my survival and to protect me.\u201d<\/p>\n Discala had been Sigler\u2019s closest confidante amid her MS battle.<\/p>\n \u201cHe was the only person that could protect me. If I didn\u2019t have him, I would be free-falling,\u201d she recalled. \u201cIt was very complicated and very scary, and I think that\u2019s what led to that incredibly painful and dark moment for me of just feeling, like, \u2018I can\u2019t feel this much pain anymore.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n Throughout the earlier years of her MS journey, Sigler attempted to hide her health condition from the public. She also kept her marriage struggles and past eating disorder quiet.<\/p>\n \u201cAll these secrets had piled up on top that I was just suffocated and just literally just trying to survive every day,\u201d she told Us<\/i>. \u201cI was constantly in fight or flight. I was constantly in survival mode, and that kind of became my new normal for the next almost decade after that.\u201d<\/p>\n According to Sigler, she eventually realized that she \u201cwas not going to survive\u201d if she and Discala stayed married. And even after writing about discovering that AJ was talking to other women, she reveals to Us how she has reconciled what went down with him.<\/p>\n \u201cEven a marriage at 20 is still a marriage. It\u2019s a very serious thing, and I needed a lot of proof to leave, and so did he,\u201d Sigler told Us. \u201cI needed a lot of things to happen to show me that this has to be over. I was aware [of] when I went through his phone, just knowing something shady was going on. All women feel that way. I wanted to share that not to bash him, but for other women. This is something that happens. It\u2019s something we go through.\u201d<\/p>\n Sigler further revealed that she stayed in the marriage out of fear of being \u201ca failure.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was so embarrassed to feel this clich\u00e9 of [getting] married young and divorced,\u201d she said. \u201cI felt like I was always letting people down, letting myself down [and] to then get a divorce at 24 was just the icing on the cake. I had to get to the moment where [I understood] that I was not going to survive much longer if I stayed in that marriage, and I think he knew that too.\u201d<\/p>\n
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