Jon Stewart — after getting the news of the night, that he was not invited to the Met Gala, out of the way — set his sights on the continuing saga of “our situationship with Iran.”
“Is it a war? Is it a ceasefire? Are we friends with bomb-ifits? I don’t know,” he quipped at the outset of Monday’s Daily Show monologue. “Because, as you know, Friday marked the expiration of the 60-day free-trial period presidents get to do wars. After 60 days, the president must ask Congress, who then decides: Are we subscribing? Or, are we just going to use Israel’s password?”
In a Florida address made on Friday, president Donald Trump indicated he didn’t need congressional approval via the War Powers Resolution as he is calling it a military operation.
“You almost have to admire the brazenness of a president just casually explaining … how to get around our pesky, uh, laws,” Stewart said. “Just not a care in the world. It’s like going up to a McDonald’s cashier: Yeah, I’m going to get a cup of water. Well, I say water, it’s because I don’t like to use the word ‘soda.’ If I say ‘water,’ I get it for free, but to be clear, I will be drinking soda. But my plan is to use the word ‘water,’ to avoid any, what you call, payment problems.”
He continued, “Of course, Trump’s plan only works if he has the discipline to maintain his assertion that we are, in fact, not in a war.” The segment then seamlessly transitioned to a clip of Trump saying: “You know, we’re in a war.”
“It’s like he’s just looking the cashier in the eye, filling up his cup with soda. ‘I’m just going to get a little Mountain Dew, a little Pepsi, little Hi-C — I’m going around the fucking world,’” Stewart commented.
The late-night host noted that Trump’s “royal ambitions” are “so bad that, last week, an actual king born of the lineage of kings we fought to establish our constitutional republic [Charles III], had to come back here to remind us to wake the fuck up.”
Stewart concluded, “The Congress isn’t coming to save us. The judiciary isn’t coming to save us. The voters are being gerrymandered out of being able to save us. We’ve only got one last card to play — our beautiful fourth estate.”
“Democracy dies in darkness, so we look to the free press, the newsies,” he continued, as his voice crescendoed in volume, “the ink-stained wretches, the masters of muckrake, the clickety-clack brigade, tappers, rappers, Wolf Blitzers, titty twisters. We the people depend on the news media to bring the tough questions that hold the politicians accountable.”
After playing a clip of reporters on the White House lawn who dropped the opportunity for a follow-up question to Trump stating that the U.S. now somehow has double the missile stock it did prior to the war against the SWANA nation, Stewart urged: “We’re so fucked. And by the way, what is the point of having to shout your questions, if you’re not gonna listen to the answers? We need you to help us litigate the boundaries of our reality.”
“If the strongest defender of American democracy is the King of England, we are [exaggerating Charles III’s Received Pronunciation] really fucked,” he said, closing out his monologue.
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